Husband is being unfaithful and refuses to leave.

[edmerckx77]

He has admitted meeting other women from a dating site and he has been having a relationship with a neighbour and disappears for many hours at a time. Just last week he drove home from a liaison in a drunken state but I was too scared to report it to the police. I want him gone but he refuses to leave. We have 4 children and live in privately rented accommodation.
He is cruel and mentally abusive and has hit me in the past. I am at my wits end as I don't know what to do. The tenancy is in both names. His behaviour is having a devastating effect on the children, especially the youngest two who are both under 11. The elder 2 are teenagers.

I would second the advice to call the police non-emergency number 101, ask for the DV team, explain the situation and put them on alert for any aggressive behaviour from your STBX.

Do you have any suspicions that the way he makes his money is illegal?

well done. call police and let them know what has happened. keep mobile charged.

you need to report everything .

have you told anyone about pvs violence etc apart from family?

if he does turn up try smashing his way in it may be "good" as he can then be arrested...

WEll done - it's such a big step, at least you won't have to breathe the same air as him in your own home (if not feel totally relaxed yet).

If I dodn't know he was so busy harrassing my DSis - I'd swear it was the same man.

Well done.
Absolutely dial 101 and ask for the DV unit and tell them everything.
They can put you on high alert list so if you need to dial 999 they will be there super fast.
Please make sure you contact Womens Aid for ongoing support with this.
As long as you report the DV you may well be entitled to legal aid which will help you massively.

When you can, contact citizens advice regarding housing, benefits, maintenance etc.... you'll probably be better off finacially than you are now if he is keep you short of money.

Seriously well done on being so brave.
Keep going and keep strong. You are doing this for yourself and your DC.

This man does not have superpowers and is not above the law. If he doesn't behave himself he will go to prison. If you have an occupation order and he breaks into the house, he can be arrested and locked up. If he smashes things up, that's criminal damage, and he can be arrested, charged and locked up. Prison is probably the best place for him.
Do make sure the local police know that he is violent and potentially dangerous: they can flag your address and come quickly if he turns up and causes trouble.

If he breaks in and smashes the house up, please just call the police. No hesitation.

I know how terrifying all this is, and these are the 'emotional' early days - so wishing you luck and strength to get through it.

Well, I got the Occupation Order. He failed to turn up to the hearing. He now claims he didn't have sufficient time to respond which is why he didn't turn up. He was informed of the hearing on the same day I was notified.
He has written to the County Court where the Order was given claiming all sorts of nonsense about me, and wanting the Order overturned. Basically he wants to move back in. There is no way I want this to happen. What can I do?
He has claimed that I have had 3 affairs, (I haven't), That I have left the children on their own so I can go out, (I haven't), he claims he has had to arrange childcare as he has had to go to work, (he doesn't work), and also claims that I am a daily drug and drink user, ( I have never taken drugs that were not prescribed, and the last time I had anything alcoholic was 2 years ago at our daughter's christening).

They are not going to overturn the order on the basis of unfounded allegations. For a start they will ask why, if he feels so strongly that you are an unfit mother, he didnt attend the hearing or ask for an adjournment. My gut feeling is that he thought you wouldnt get the order so he didnt take it seriously and its only now he has realised that you cant just ignore things.

Even if the court did hold another hearing, unless he can prove his allegations it wont make any difference and actually will go against him. Courts take a very dim view of this sort of thing, he certainly wont be the first to do this or the last (sadly). If it does go to court I suggest you offer to have hair tests to prove you have not taken drugs or alcohol, that will prove without a doubt that he is lying.

Try not to worry, he is panicking because he didnt get his own way and is mud slinging. As it stands, you have the order and he is not allowed to move back in. All the posturing and anger in the world wont change that and if he tries you can call the police to have him removed. The only time he can move back in is if he gets the order revoked, which is extremely unlikely.

The hair test is a great idea! Just telling him I am prepared to have it may make him think again. I will also offer to have a blood test to prove I don't drink. Of the people I am supposed to have had affairs with, I don't even know 2 of them, and the other I turned down flat after I was propositioned whilst he was drunk.
My husband is claiming benefits, so he isn't working, to my knowledge anyway. If he is, it is 'cash in hand'. So how he claims he had to arrange childcare while he was at work is beyond me.

He had our 2 boys this evening, and has started feeding them more lies about me. I have never done anything to warrant this crap, and it's wearing me down.

No you haven't. But this guy is a hateful fuckwit.
That's all you need to know.
Have a chat with your boys about it all.
It's a long and horrible process but just keep on keeping on (KOKO)
You're doing great.
Keep your dignity. You're doing great.
He's lost control and he doesn't like it one bit.
Well done.

Well done OP, just read through the thread and you have been very strong and you are doing amazingly well all things considered.
Children are not stupid and in time will see their dad for what he is if they don't already.
Things can only get better now that you have this fuckwit out of the house although it will take time. You just need to keep going to get out the other side unfortunately, but you will, as many on here will attest to.

If you can try to have as little contact with this man as possible, on a needs basis only, and not engage with him it will speed up the process.

Good luck

OP, you are doing wonderfully, but I do want to gently encourage you to follow the advice upthread re calling the police for advice and getting the address flagged.

This can be a dangerous time. Good luck to you all - you deserve your peace x

The law is well and truly on your side and will see through his lies.

My x used to threaten to kill himself! I said gwan then. He's still alive and kicking.

my solicitor told me that "she's an unfit mother" is known in legal circles to be code for "i'm the entitled controlling type"

I'm sure the courts have heard all of this before and will not take it at face value. He would attempt some defense but you have good RL support and lots of wisdom from MN.