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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wrong to think this feels a bit off

5 replies

itiswhatitisnow · 28/09/2014 07:36

My husband is not a british national so i know some of our differences in relationship style are cultural. Before I met him he owned a property which i moved into and now we are abroad his parents helped him buy a house here. Again in his name. Ive always contributed, heavily in UK, to our life together but now we are in his home country he pays for everything and that is the norm here for the most part. This has kind of snook up on me in a way but it feels a bit off because although i work i pay for stuff for house and for kids and contribute towards holidays etc and also pay for travel back to the uk which takes up a huge chunk of it. Sorry im rambling a bit. When we argue who owns what always comes up and he always tells me im living in his house which i think is really unfair. Again this has snook up on me because one relies on love and trust in a relationship bt he recently revealed he gets money from inheritance. Now, he said it kind of casually and it led me to think we are living separate lives here with me just following you whilst you realise your dreams but im not actualy creating anything as a team. Ive always been brought up to think that when you marry you join forces and create your own nest. That includes being able to call things your own, as a couple. It just doesnt feel right. Sometimes i feel like ive gone back in time to an archaic way of life as a wife. please let me have your thoughts on this one as i dont want to share this in RL with anyone.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 28/09/2014 07:52

It doesn't sound right. The marriage vows I took were all about sharing everything - your husband is saying "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine".

How easy would it be for you and the children to come home for an "extended visit" and scope out your options?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/09/2014 07:58

I would suggest you get legal advice. We're you married in the UK or your DH's country? His attitude certainly sounds very patrician. The actual rules regarding marital assets vary from place to place.

Pugaboo · 28/09/2014 08:19

Hmm it doesn't sound great. Basically you get no recognition about your contribution to the family.

When you argue who brings up who owns what? Why do you argue about this? Do you argue a lot?

What happens when you try to discuss working as a team?

Did you discuss how things would work before you got married?

itiswhatitisnow · 29/09/2014 02:30

youre right pugaboo no recogntion at all. in order to do id have to be working on a multi million pound contract because its all about money with this guy. we dont argue that much, a tad but nothing major. its just not what i wanted

OP posts:
itiswhatitisnow · 29/09/2014 02:31

married in the uk

OP posts:
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