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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me divorce my wife!

23 replies

coolhandluke · 27/09/2014 19:47

Hi there
Background:
I married my wife in 2010. In mid 2012 I found caught her in the act of cheating on me. It came out after that she had cheated on me with multiple people. We have been separated since then.

She returned to her home country (Brazil) and I stayed here (I am British). I filed for divorce in late 2012/early 2013 I asked one of her sisters to take the papers over in for her to sign. She never signed or returned them.

I contacted her recently to tell her I really want a divorce and I need her address to send the divorce papers. She agreed but did not send me her address and has now stopped replying to me. This has all been over facebook as I have no contact numbers/email address/home address for her.

I have found out she has had a child with OM. I also have reason to believe they may be married or engaged as they have wedding rings on on their FB pics.

I so want to be rid of this woman, how can I divorce her without any contact details for her and her being on the other side of the world?!

OP posts:

FrazzledMiddleChild · 27/09/2014 19:57

Why wouldn't she divorce you if she has a child with another man?

Is it because she wants to retain the right to return to the UK ?

How can they be married!!?

Fairenuff · 27/09/2014 19:59

You need to take legal advice.

Mum4Fergus · 27/09/2014 19:59

My P had same issue with his (now x) W. He used a Sols who took care of it all, papers were returned unsigned twice (from Canada), when they went in front of judge for 3rd time he granted divorce and sent notification to the ex. Scottish law applied, not sure if different elsewhere ...

canweseethebunnies · 27/09/2014 20:00

What does your solicitor say? I have no clue about this stuff, but there must be a way to divorce her in her absence if she won't communicate?

Original poster

coolhandluke · 27/09/2014 20:06

Fergus
I have been told that I can get a divorce granted without her consent as long as I have proof that the papers have been delivered to her address. I don't have her address though? I think I will need to just go to the solicitors and spend a few more thousands on this mess :( oh god I am so unhappy I just want all this to be over.

OP posts:

Idontseeanysontarans · 27/09/2014 20:09

How about the British Embassy in Brazil? Could they somehow help you with proving you have delivered the papers or deliver a copy from there?
All the best to you OP.

joanofarchitrave · 27/09/2014 20:12

Coolhand, I'm not sure that's right. When you say 'you have been told' do you mean by a lawyer?

You must have read infinite numbers of websites but this one is the .gov website about 'divorcing a missing spouse'. It sounds to me as if you will be able to prove desertion. Do you have any evidence at all of when she left? Things like bills you changed back to your name only?

General overview on divorce at .gov - again just in case you've read so many that you're losing track of which ones.

Original poster

coolhandluke · 27/09/2014 20:42

Joan

Thank you for the link,

Yes I have read sooo much. I had free legal advice intro thing who said that I would be able to divorce without consent so long as I had proof the papers had been delivered at her address. But then they said they would not be able to help me as divorce proceedings have already begun?

I don't have any evidence of when she left as like a mug all the rent, bills etc were paid by me and in my name. I don't think she has had anything in her name.

OP posts:

pinkfrocks · 27/09/2014 20:47

why the desire for a divorce? unless you want to re-marry then there is no rush.
can't you divorce after 5 years' separation without consent anyway?

see another lawyer.

Original poster

coolhandluke · 27/09/2014 21:08

I don't want to be connected to her anymore, I want nothing to do with her.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/09/2014 21:11

I think you need a second opinion on the legal advice.... and a third if necessary. From what I remember of the contract law I studied, the terminology is that you have to have made 'reasonable' attempts to contact the other party. In your case this may mean posting a notice in a Brazilian newspaper, for example.

pinkfrocks · 27/09/2014 21:16

Have you thought about finding a Brazilian lawyer who could do what was needed to try to find her?

SweetErmengarde · 27/09/2014 21:44

Surely the fact that she has gone through a marriage ceremony with another man and postedtheevidence on social media is pretty conclusive proof of desertion?

Legal advice, stat.

SweetErmengarde · 27/09/2014 21:45

Spacebar acting up, apologies.

springydaffs · 27/09/2014 23:50

Post in legal, op.

What a nightmare for you. I hope she gets done for bigamy you get this sorted soon.

joanofarchitrave · 28/09/2014 06:17

Coolhand, if you report a post, you can ask for this thread to be moved to the Legal matters board. But I do think you need to take a deep breath and pay for a decent-length legal consultation. I don't think it needs to be hours though. Looking at SweetErmengarde's post, she's quite right, you may be able to just to rely on her proof of adultery which might be more straightforward.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 28/09/2014 11:00

If she has had a baby while you are still married, even if it's not yours, I think the legalities get quite complicated. You might also want to check into that.

JustDrive · 28/09/2014 11:15

This thread has been done before but the OP was your gf? And you wouldn't do anything and weren't bothered about the divorce? What caused this big turn around in attitude?

I really hope you are who you say and this isn't the same lady posting again!

Original poster

coolhandluke · 28/09/2014 11:36

I think Joans link to divorcing without having any contact from wife is the best. If I didn't have facebook I would have literally no methods of contacting her for 2.5 years nor can I obtain any. I think that is the best way to do it. So thank you for the advice.

JustDrive
My girlfirend uses the site (thats how I found out about it and thought it would be useful to ask here) but I don't know if she has posted about this issue before?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 28/09/2014 14:47

Did you initially drag your heels over the divorce then OP? Was it her that wanted the divorce and you didn't, so she just left the country?

JustDrive · 28/09/2014 16:03

I can't remember much from previous thread but Brazil detail rings a bell. The consensus was that it was your choice and your gf seemed to be pushing the divorce issue but you weren't actually that bothered about it and would wait it out to divorce without her permission when enough time had passed. She didn't seem too happy about the situation or your lack of effort to get it sorted.

Hope you get this resolved and good luck. Seems waiting it out might be the only option you have? Sounds an awful and stressful scenario to be in.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 28/09/2014 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rainbunny · 28/09/2014 19:38

OP - What is your relationship with her sister like? Is it cordial? Can you possibly persuade the sister to reveal her address so you can send the papers? I'm assuming you've already tried that so probably not but it's just a thought.

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