having children gets too much sometimes!!!!!

[FatThighs]

Now I am not about to be reported to social services or anything - I truely love my children and do loads for them (including having to read the blasted telegraph all week to collect roald dahl tokens!!!)

But the thing is although I love them I don't really like them very much at the minute.

They argue, fight, demand, treat me like waiting staff, whenever either of them gets anything I am rewarded by a great long "that's not fair" from the other one.

I am beginning to feel a bit like frankenstein - I have created a couple of monsters.

Why can't they be nice to me?

All I seem to do is shout at them about how annoyed I am.

Please tell me I am not alone. I just feel rubbish today.

Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish today, FT.

How old are your DC?

Old enough to cope if you went on strike for a day or two?

Sounds like you are having a tough time FT. Don't be a slave to them, you won't get any thanks for it. If they are being horrid, why get them the Roald Dahl tokens - do you think they deserve them at the moment? That seems to me like a perfect bargaining tool!!!

thanks for the quick replies. My DS is 7 and my DD is 4. I would love to go on strike but can't see how they would get their own meals and walk to school!!!!!

I could hold off on the Roald Dahl tokens but a little voice tells me I am just being mean and taking my frustration out on them. I never find a true balance.

You are not alone. You are very much not alone It's a vicious circle though. They get irritable, you get stressed and shout, they get worse. They take out their frustrations on each other because they don't want to get cross with you that's how I see it with mine anyway - it's as blatant as me telling DS#1 off and then him turning round and hitting his sister). It's hard to break but it does work. I've posted on the debtating forum on the smacking thread about how hard I find it!! I've been known to leave the house with a sore throat from yelling - which doesn't help anway...

So I've been trying very hard the last few weeks to be calmer and happier - not to sweat the petty stuff as they say - and I've been rewarded with happier, calmer children who greet me with big smiles and unsolicited hugs all the time. And better results at school. And best of all they start to be nice to each other sometimes.

I do agree that the Roald Dahl tokens could be witheld for a while at least - something which you can explain in a calm voice whilst telling them that their behaviour is unacceptable and making you very unhappy.

I do sympathise

FT, if they are treating you like a slave then they don't deserve Roald Dahl tokens just given to them. You could just set a really easy achievable goal & say that you would like them to: tidy their toys/ set the table/ not argue for one hour etc etc etc & they get one token for each achieved goal. Win, win all round as far as I can tell. You are not being mean, you are negotiating with them!

how are you personally ? Are you overwhelmed by other things at the moment ?

The reason I ask is - I have been in that situation myself in the last few months - and really haven't enjoyed being with my kids. I was too exhuasted to deal with things well and then they kids behaviour spirals and everyone gets upset.

I ditched the least important thing in my life and now things seem so much better (in fact I started a thread in chat about it this morning - saying I was not superwoman !).

can you take time out? send kids to grandparents for a night/weekend?
thats were mine are going this weekend
it does grind you down but remember whos boss!
mine are 9 and 10 (both boys) i can reason with them a bit more now but still had to scream at them to tidy their b/room as it was a tip
sometimes they treat me like dirt off their shoe but when they want something they are the best children ever
just waiting 10 more yrs till i can kick them out
one things for sure i'm a c/m i love children but why do everyone elses children do as i tell them bar mine, thats the joys of being a parent i guess