I have recently started developing an inappropriate crush on a work colleague. I'm finding it really weird and I just want it to go away.
To give some background about me, I am 27 and was in a LTR for 3 years. That relationship ended in June and it was a real shock. I was left feeling confused with no closure because my ex just ended it and didn't want to discuss it. One moment things were fine, the next he was gone. We have been NC since and I have been single for 3 months. I've tried dating other people but can't seem to feel anything for them. My colleague is the first person I've felt anything for in ages.
The thing is, he's off limits and I feel so bad for even having feelings about him. He is engaged to a female colleague that I used to work closely with last year. She has recently been promoted within the company so we don't often see her any more. She is not very well liked in our workplace as she has been quite rude to a lot of people, but I don't mind her as I know what she's like and I don't take it personally. They are an odd couple though because they are so different; she dominates him a bit and lots of my other colleagues think he only got the position he did because he was with her. He is very 'scatty' and struggles in the role, so perhaps that is partly true. I often have to remind him of important things.
He is early 30s, funny and kind and we work closely because we are in a high pressured job and he is my team leader. We often end up working long hours together.
I don't know what it is about him but I've started really liking him over the last few weeks and now I can't stop thinking about him. I haven't shown any sign of this to him and would be mortified if he found out.
We talk quite often and he asks me about how my weekends/evenings were and he tells me about things in his life (usually jokey things but occasionally more serious things like worry over his mortgage etc.) I get on so well with him and he's always laughing at things I say and I notice little things, like him making intense eye contact with me and coming into my room at the end of the day a lot. I look forward to seeing him and although I used to dislike my job due to the pressure, he makes it a bit more bearable. I don't know what he thinks about me; I'm assuming this is all one way and I'm being stupid.
To be clear, I don't want anything to happen because it would be disastrous and ruin things for him and me. I just can't stop thinking about him and I wish I had someone else I could focus my attention on. Someone who was available and made me feel the same way as I do about him :(
Has anyone experienced anything like this or can shed light on why I might have suddenly developed this crush from nowhere? I think my feelings have gone crazy at the moment. I never looked at him twice until he became my team leader and it's all very odd.