Did you have a big, fat wedding ?

[Dowser]

I last got married almost forty years ago and I have no idea what it cost .

Probably there was change out of two grand.

There's a lot of wives and husbands splitting up on this thread and I just wondered if those that had huge expensive weddings were any happier or have their marriages lasted any longer than those people whose weddings cost less.

If you did have an expensive wedding have you felt more compelled to stay in an unhappy marriage .

Do you now wish you had culled the guest list and gone for something less elaborate and used the money elsewhere.

Was your big day everything and more than you wanted it to be and life is still a bed of roses.. That's said with tongue in the cheek!

Yes. Church, posh hotel, big dress etc.

Happily married for 6 years.

I don't think your wedding makes a difference to how your marriage will pan out.

Nope. Think the total came to about £300. No I have not missed off a zero

i think the responses so far just show that the wedding and the subsequent marriage are entirely different things. I also feel a bit at the sometimes implied idea that very small casual weddings somehow show that the relationship is more genuine or solid, like they didnt "need" the big party because they were properly committed. I do think that too many people feel they have to spend money they don't have on things like weddings and I also dislike the extra £££ charged by caterers, venues etc as soon as its a wedding rather than a normal party but thats a different thread!

We had a tiny wedding (10 people plus two people popped in at our house for drinks after). Still cost 10k (including rings, honeymoon, flower girl dress, my dress, DH suit, ceremony and ceremony venue, photographer, chair covers, flowers, food and champers). I would've stressed about organising anything more elaborate. Photographer was worst waste pf money, BIL took nicer photos.

PS I don't think there is always a case of small wedding = solid relationship or vice versa. But sometimes people get married or focus on the big party to distract them from the real issues in their relationship. But a small wedding can also provide the same distraction. Also some people think small wedding = lack of public commitment.

Very small wedding- 30 guests for lunch at a 5* hotel, cake made by friend- professional baker- and the whole lunch came to £300 plus wine.

Close friends went back to my parents for tea, we left straight away for honeymoon in UK.

I bought my own dress which was £80 I think.

Oh and we had friend do the photos.

Church fees were small at the time.

Flowers- not significant- didn't have any in church as it was Lent and they were not allowed.

That Christmas wedding in the country sounded fabulous.

It seems like even where the marriages failed that you didn't begrudge what you spent on your big day.

That's good to have some positives from it.

Loved mrs scaudenfraudes comment

I was a big fat Greek bride!

Lol

I'm going to have to watch myself or I might be the same.

I've ordered my dress in a size 18!

A quick google shows that the average wage in 1975 was £2,200. You may not feel that you spent much, OP, but it was a good chunk of a year's salary.

Best wishes for your new marriage.

I had a big wedding ( 300 guest)
Tbh, I wanted a small intimate wedding , but dm had other ideas
Wedding was great, but unfortunately there were a lot of jealous comments from those who had wanted a big wedding but didnt have one
Have been married. 15 years together 20 years and am very happy

I had a very expensive wedding (50k plus, I won't say exact figure), paid for by our parents, no one got into debt. Married 4 years, very very happy.

I had a big expensive wedding and notice how mn loves to think this is a bad omen for the marriage but we had been together years, already had two children and a house and are still very happy now. It didn't change anything, it didn't overcompensate for any shortcomings in the relationship, we just wanted a big family party to celebrate finally getting round to it!

We had a church wedding with a posh venue for the reception afterwards. My aunt made my dress mil embroidered it as our wedding present. Venue was booked cheaply as my late father used to work for them. Cost us about 3 grand. We have been married 27 years.

Ours cost 20k but it wasn't that big - 60 guests. 20k these days is probably equivalent to 2k 40 years ago.

I was surprised how much we managed to spend on small wedding - it was in London though. Cost probably 5k - have only been married 18 months so can't really comment on whether it's made a difference to our mArriage! I've been to some really lavish weddings - we could not really justify the cost of a huge wedding as we were pregnant at marriage however I do think they Are amazing and surely it's all really just down to personal taste / money - I do sometimes wonder if I would have enjoyed a big wedding but I just don't think I could have coped with the debt we would definetly have been left with! If you want it though and u can afford it then go for it I say!

Before I got engaged I had been bridesmaid to 2 friends who had massive weddings, (one paid off her wedding 18 months after the marriage ended), they both had planned their big day for 2 years. I decided that wasn't for me, and luckily dh had already been married and had the big do, was happy for a quieter affair, our wedding cost about £750, I only had people there who were very special to us, we both really enjoyed our wedding. I wanted a marriage, 15+ years later we are still going strong.

I think it could go the other way tbh.

I know people who had small ( in numbers and ££) weddings who got divorced a few years later, I think they weren't 100% sure about going into it so had a small wedding to hedge their bets sort of thing.

So a modest wedding can mean "I'm keeping it low key as a way of minimising what it means".

Our wedding had quite a few people there but was not £££, mainly because I'm tight and have issues spending money on myself, and that I knew I'd be kicking myself over my spending when we bought a house and had children even more so than I am now ;)

Big, big fat wedding here! 300 people (very large family)

Five years later, still together, two tiddlers and very much in love still.

Both weddings were big to me and took a lot of planning - one was 4K, 4 years - one was 11K, about to hit 11 years so we'll see

I think the question is quite loaded TBH, I think as individuals and budgets vary so much that no common ground can be found.
Costs and size don't come into the day to day living because quite frankly a wedding is just 1 day in the whole scheme of things... it will work or not based on how you as a couple work and absolutely nothing to do with the £££ or not you spend on 1 day.
I didn't invite family who I don't see (was immediate family only )and it was filled with our friends... yes it offended many but as we only see them at most 1 a year we don't care. It cost what it cost without debt or parental help and we had a wonderful day.

My first wedding was a "big fat" one, and I loved every moment of organising it, and living it. He was abusive. I divorced him nine years later.

Second wedding was abroad, no guests, not expensive, no reception. I felt cheated. I was right. Another abuser, and this was part of the isolation tactic.

Separated now.

So there is no correlation between the type of wedding and the outcome in my experience. More correlation between family patterns through the generations I suspect, than the frock and cake.

No, we got married in Cuba so just us & very close family. Together for 16 years married for 6, we have ups & downs but on the whole we have a good relationship.

Couldn't have done a big fat wedding-not either of our style.

Yes, we did. It was 8 years ago. I wouldn't do it again, although DH and I are still rock solid. I didn't want anything very big on the first place but DH has a huge family and we had lots of friends and it began to spiral into something huge.

Now, I'd definitely do something a lot smaller. I wish I hadn't got married in church for instance - small service in a registry office would be fine. DH wanted it as he has faith, but he's a bit lapsed now.