Last year my OH cancelled my pension and I found out via the post. Apparently I don't care about financial matters and he decided all payments would all go to his pension so we'd both be better off financially. At the time he started saying (amongst so many other things) that am not contributing financially. This particularly hurt. I am a full time mum to his two kids. First time round, I got pretty depressed (he was not the most supportive of husbands to say the least - I am being very kind in this description and lay in to me verbally on many occasions because 'I am too difficult').
After my experiences, I was ready to leave it at one child and go back to work. After a while he started pleading for a second child (think of child no. 1 growing up alone, etc.) OH's behaviour improved and he eventually won me around. I agreed on the proviso that he would be more supportive and understanding the second time around... He promised. Was he? Hell no. Then my mum died when baby no. 2 was a few months old. He did some outrageously insensitive things (I won't say what for anonymity because my OH is so unique) and basically let me struggle with sleep deprivation, an extremely high maintenance baby and grief - 'because I can't be helped when I'm like that'. I was so miserable and alone that I wanted to die too, but couldn't because of the kids and couldn't do that to them. Most people won't know how miserable I was as I am good at 'looking happy'.
When I received my inheritance (not vastly huge), I chose to put it in a savings account because it seemed the sensible thing to do when I was too exhausted and messed up to think about what might be appropriate. He hit the roof and called me all sorts of things including "You were charmed by the first young bank manager you saw". I wasn't. I struggled on my own with demanding baby around the banks and actually got a better savings rate than he did against the April cut-off. He felt I should have put it in the mortgage. Maybe I should have, but I just wanted to wait until I could think (screaming baby + little sleep + zero emotional support + zero break from baby + plus grief = brain a mess) and then I may well have put it in the mortgage. I just needed to think what would be right in my mum's memory. He could never take the baby for any period and still struggles with him now at times. I was overloaded.
He then went on to tighten all the house-keeping, saying that we were over spending. Meanwhile, he bought himself an expensive watch, made us take a silly number of holidays, and bought various other expensive items. I also happily lent him some of the money. He also bleated more and more about he earns the money, I am not contributing and then that letter about the pension came out of the blue. After another blow-out he agreed to restart it a half of what it was before. He also said I should get a job 'like other women'. I told him I'd given up my career and trusted him as we'd decided on a stay at home mum until kids were at school. Anyway, I got a job (yes, he's zapping that income too) and he thinks it's a shame child no. 2 is in day care (go figure).
To be fair, in the past I have told him that his (emotionally abusive) behaviour is making me miserable and I have got to the point where I have packed a suitcase a few times, but never left as I didn't really want that and he made up. However he recently confessed that he wasn't willing to pay the pension of a wife that wants to leave him (but he's happy to have her child care and make her miserable).
After this confession and he's stopped contributing to the housekeeping (I am not contributing, yet over a £1000 of my meagre salary has gone on childcare and I need to save to fix my car which he won't pay to have fixed), I have got to the point where I am going to leave (just need to work out how and how to keep my job). I've stopped my contributions (cooking for him, washing his clothes, etc.) Anyway, today he's stopped my pension again and is no doubt seeking a 101 other ways to hurt me financially as I type. I am scared yet somehow beyond caring. I just hope I can get out of here somehow.
Thanks if you've read my ramblings this far. I guess I just needed someone to talk to 