What would you make of these texts..?

[whattomakeofthis]

Nothing too incriminating, I don't think... certainly not in light of some of the recent threads

Just a short exchange of 15 or so messages sent over a couple of weeks arranging a night out between a group of colleagues.

All fairly innocuous "where are we going?" "who else is coming?" "hope you're enjoying the sun" type texts.

But then he ends one (a bit out of the blue) with "it'll be really nice to see you, again x" and another with "ok, see you soon, sweetie x"

Her responses to these are very simple, "great, see you then x" type responses.

The end of the exchange is that he says no one else is going, after all, but suggests they "go out anyway... x" and she declines citing potential workplace gossip as the reason.

Anything to be read into it, or not?

Yes, a night out was genuinely planned. But it was over the summer and a lot of people were away. It was one of those things where people agreed in principle but then didn't go. I don't think it was a deliberate attempt to get me on my own.

I always put x at the end of my texts, didn't think anything of it. Lots of people do. There have been no more texts since that.

Tbh,i would know from your response that you were not interested,he is probably licking his wounds somewhere....or planning his next target. I always feel so bad for the partners of these people..

Ah, thanks for letting us know, satisfied my curiosity.

God Biding that must have been awful for her!

Well, to be polite, he was no oil painting, and he seemed to work on the basis of the more women he chatted up, the greater the chance that someone would accept. Nobody took him too seriously. He wasn't a threat, if you know what I mean, it just put her in a very awkward situation. She was only 18 or so at the time, the age gap between them was normal. She wasn't the smartest tool in the box. There were 25 or so people working in the office, the days before texts, and she never thought to mention our night out to us. We had a bit of a horrified laugh about it with her. She eventually married his best friend!!

The only thing is, we started there at a similar time. Our workplace can be amazing, but can also feel quite hostile and unsupportive at times. He made an effort to be friendly with me and I did likewise. I think we just 'clicked' because of that.

I would always be respectful of someone else's marriage, and I do have friendships with married people, both men and women. A Wife is a tangible 'barrier' to someone for me and I don't even see them as Man, just as someone I like/get on with, or not.

He seems like a fairly quiet and unassuming man at work. I know he doesn't go out a lot. And he's not someone who flirts with, or chats up, the women at work. I just wondered if it could be a clumsy attempt on his part to progress a friendship, rather than something more insidious.

Ah right, you described the early texts as being without "x" hence I thought the shift to "x" in your later text was unwise.
I'm still not a fan of indiscriminate "x" to work colleagues.
But he sounds like an arsehole, hoping to get a night out with you alone. Poor partner.

The main thing is that your response covered both possibilities

Poor girl, Biding ! Nice to hear it had a happy ending for her, though

If it was someone I was already friends with then I would thinking nothing of meeting them even if everyone else cancelled. Though I would mention it to my partner and not hide it from him.

But to be honest, I don't think it's that big a deal. I definitely wouldn't say it a sure thing he was trying it on.

The only thing that DID make me cringe was the "sweetie".

That's....weird.

I think time will tell. You handled it very well and nobody has lost face

I think it was all fine until you pretended that "work place gossip" was the reason why you knocked him back

I guess you should measure how comfortable you should feel with your involvement here by imagining his wife's reaction to you matching his kissy texts with kissy replies of your own

just a thought

I used to go for a lunchtime drink with a work colleague. We just used to gossip about work and stuff. We never went out at night, nobody suggested it. We were work mates. I don't know who moved on to a different branch first, we worked for a bank, but there was no contact after that

Cabrinha hmm, maybe you have a point about the "x" to work colleagues. I suppose I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't felt comfortable with/around him, though.

Yeah, thanks Biding. I hope so.

I think the workplace gossip thing alerted him to the fact that what he suggested was in fact inappropriate and would be viewed so by others,if he has his wits about him he should know that thats what you also think and were hinting.... I think his lack of response shows it worked!

AnyFucker I would be happy for his wife to read any of the texts I sent. And if I'd read them to my ex husband from a female colleague, I'd have been happy with that too. Might not have been happy with his messages though. As soon as it changed tone I quickly ended it. We haven't communicated outside of work since.

As for the workplace gossip stuff, our workplace is quite 'gossipy' so I was alluding to what it could look like, and assuming that it wasn't that. He said I'd probably got a point, and there it was left.

But I do see what you mean.

Biding That's the thing for me, it's quite common for work colleagues to become friends in my line of work. A lot of my friends are previous colleagues and a lot of my other friends are close friends with their own colleagues, so that in itself isn't strange.

Just a bit of a bummer really.

I really like that quote from love actually that people cite on here... "You made a fool of me,and therefore the life i lead foolish" bet his partner also thinks he is a quiet unassuming man who would never flirt with a woman over text,poor woman

Then your conscience is clear. Move on. Right ?

Thanks, ispent that's what I was hoping.

Yep, thank you AnyFucker. I just wondered if I'd over reacted or been worrying about nothing in the first place. Seems like not. So that's it.

No, I don't think you have over reacted. I would reconsider the kissy communications with married men in future though.

Point taken.

Just my friends and I all put a single x on the end of communications. It's just a habit.

Won't do it again, though.

One less Xmas card to write :)