Could do with some advice from the relationship ladies

[RedJeans]

Hello, I'm afraid this post may have some triggers for people who have been victims of DV, just as a warning. I would really appreciate some advice though from anyone who has experience of this situation, if you feel up to it.

I'm a primary school teacher and one of the mothers of a child in my class regularly has bruises on her face and neck when she picks and drops off at school. She has also in the past had more serious injuries. The child's home situation has been flagged as a cause for concern for the last couple of years at school and social services are involved.

Whilst I'm aware that legally I need only report any injuries I see or anything that the child says to me, the woman has no friends or family and I am often the only person she speaks to in the day, even if just for a minute at the classroom door. I'm really starting to feel as though I should offer some sort of assistance or advice to her, or even just the offer of a chat about something other than her child (who has a wide range of behavioural issues, likely stemming from what he has seen at home). I just feel so sorry for her and want to offer some support in some way, but don't know how!

In the past she has opened up to another of the teachers at school and acknowledged the DV but in the main it is not mentioned, even when discussing her child's violent behaviour.

What I'd like to know is whether you think it's my place to mention it, or to offer advice, or whether I should just wait and see if she talks to me in time. Obviously it is still quite early in the school year, but she turned up today with a fresh set of bruises and I feel quite worried about her .

TIA

The child is already displaying. a lot of behaviour which I would suggest is linked to the home situation Quitelikely :( it's very sad, they're quite violent even when playing and a lot of the kids in the class are scared of them. Poor kid.

Have you been to see your safeguarding officer OP?

The safeguarding officer is the SENCO, should have mentioned that before! That's why all reports go to her.

Yeah, that would have been worth mentioning.

Have you sat and had a chat with her? Apart from that, it's her job to take action so all you can do is to keep reporting the new incidents.

Sounds like the best she could do is get herself and a child to a women's refuge. That isn't likely to be local.

You could in theory ring ss anonymously and say you know this boy is on a plan and that his mother has bruises all over her face suggesting DV. The bruises would be fresh for the SW to see.

She will know she can't call the police. Unfortunately that's the downside if these things. The women know once the ss are involved if they get attacked again and call the police then the ss will either say get him out or your dc will have to be removed. She will know this. She is making the choice to remain. She will know the police can give her a panic alarm in her house.

This is so sad

She can be helped to have him gone. A judge can order him out of the property and so on. So she doesn't have to live in fear as such.

My advice as a DV professional would be to report to social services every time you see injuries or concerning behaviour from the child. If the mother does not like to engage, they may not be able to force her to, until they have enough evidence of risk to the child that they feel a child protection plan is necessary. At that point, the parents either do x and y or they face having their child removed.

Many victims don't want to face up to it. Making them choose between the father and the children is one way of making them face up to it. And a few weeks later when he is gone and they taste life without him, they will thank you. And you will watch mother and child thrive.

And your duty of care, first and foremost, is to the child. The mother, through choice or fear is unable to protect him, so the professionals involved must.

That's the whole point of 'safeguarding'.

Last 2 posts are very significant. Indeed if woman can't or won't deal with the DV then the child still needs protecting and SS may decide to put him into foster care if he is not safe at home. It might not be the OH who is abusing her for definite. She may possibly be abusing herself ie falling over if she has a drink problem or it could be an older child who is abusing her.... Just possible scenarios.
Not sure how much people will tell you about background of family as any information is meant to be confidential and only told on a need to know basis. I think you would like to know, so that you can help more, but I don't think you really Need to know so you may not be told anything.
It's tough though to see people obviously suffering and feeling powerless to help or intervene.