'Everyone else thinks my partner's great!'.... Did that turn out to be true?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Did you think that, when you left your partner, other people would be so shocked and horrified that you could turn your back on such a great person that you would end up as the bad guy? And were you surprised by the actual reaction when you announced it was over?

Happened to me. My family didn't like my ex but I thought they were just being difficult. Friends appeared to think he was a great bloke but, after it finished, it turned out they thought he was an complete arse.

So.... shocked by the reality or had your fears confirmed?

Fears confirmed here. Funny how many people told me they had always disliked him after my divorce. Even my mum.

Confirmed. In fact, his friends told me before I left that much as they loved him, he was treating me badly and was time to be kind to myself and get out.
Took me 2 years to do so!

Isn't that normal though? The relationship between two people is often a mystery to others. As they don't get to know the partner in the same way that you do.

So when you split, the 'She's crazy' 'He's an idiot' comes out?

What I'm drawing on are the threads where someone knows they are in a shit relationship but are keeping quiet on the basis that 'everyone else thinks DPS is a great person'. The DP might be charming, affable, a pillar of the community, maybe in a position of authority. So the fear is that others won't believe the relationship can be all that bad or they'll be urged to stay.

I wondered who had felt that fear only to find out, post separation, that others had seen through the DP all along.

In my case people were shocked by the reality. On works outings he was such a laugh, such a clown...what a funny chap. At home he was miserable, grumpy and bad tempered, bawled at 2 little boys and tried to control me in lots of ways. In many ways though he was fine and reasonable.

He was financially [we were so broke] and emotionally abusive and had no interest in saving the marriage because 'there is[was] nothing wrong with us'.

I had no one to talk to so most people were shocked. Amicable divorce though....as I made the decision, indeed forced to make it as I knew he wanted out.

What's really difficult though, is when a close relation is left by their partner and you have to support them whole heartedly.
At the same time you can see exactly why said partner left, and don't blame them in the slightest.

It's a tricky one to navigate.

Yep,

Pretty much everyone told me what a total knob he was and they could never understand how I had stuck it out so long. Once of them even asked me how in hell I'd ever got together with an arsehole like that in the first place.

It was such an eye opener - he's ground me down that low I had come to believe that I was punching way above my weight and he was 'the catch' and I had been so 'lucky' to have him. Turns out everyone else thought precisely the opposite

Several business acquaintances also told me that if I hadn't been involved in our company, they would never have done business with us. They thought ex was shyster, but they trusted and liked me and knew I was as straight as a die. Ex knew it too which is why he wanted me to carry on working with him in the business after we split. Needless to say I told him to go fuck himself.

One of the best days of my life came some years later was when doing some online research - totally unconnected to the ex and by sheer chance I stumbled across this article and suddenly there's his name jumping out at me. I discovered that he had been done by trading standards - some serious shit - got a suspended prison sentence and a home detention curfew, whereby he had to wear an electronic monitoring device and could only go out during the day. He would have fucking hated that. They were also going after him for proceeds of crime. Karma's a bitch ain't it?

Great ending Fontella... :) Did people hold off telling you what they really thought until after it was over?

I thought my exh was percrived as funny, charming and charismatic.

After we split a few people told me that they actually found him unfriendly and aloof and said they felt a little uncomfortable around him. I was astounded!