Do the grandparents of your DC remember their birthdays?

[McBear]

On their own accord?

Both DP and I have separated parents. Some have partners, some don't. We also live between 1 hour 1.5 hours away from them.

DDs 3rd birthday is Monday. My DF and DPs DM are the most involved if say. My DF regularly comes to see DD and had planned an amazing holiday around her birthday so as to not miss out. DPs DM has arranged her shift so she can spend the day with us and will spoil DD with lots of carefully thought out gifts.

My DM thought her birthday was a week earlier and asked what we wanted to do and what she wanted (in a way that was literally, you do all the thinking and I'll buy it but make sure it's cheap). DPs DF rarely sees her and almost organises meets where we would need a babysitter unless we remind him he'd prob want to see his only grandchild and where we go she goes. He's text asking if he can come see her (which is great and more than I thought) but again got the day wrong.

Am I expecting too much? Are other peoples parents like this?

I understand she's our DD and no one is going to be as wrapped up in her as we are but they should at least remember her birthday. (In three years my DM has only got her one birthday present and no Xmas presents)

We live thousands of miles away from my DP and they know when my dc birthdays are. Similarly FIL who lives 15min away and is 70 also knows when their birthdays are. I don't blame you for being slightly disappointed

Yes, they do. Though in my dad's case I suspect he gets lots of reminders from his partner - his memory's not what it was. I can understand your disappointment too.

My baby isn't a year yet so we will see. My inlaws will remember, my dad probably will, my mum forgot my birthday this year (no memory problems, just scatty) so we will see.

Yes they do, though my mum's memory is terrible (medical issues) so I tend to drop it into conversation a few weeks before. She gets anxious buying stuff for them, so will ask me what they want, ask me to buy and wrap it and she sends me the money.

I have no excuse for forgetting my grandkids birthdays, I was at their births. Mind you, one was born on Friday 13th, hard to forget a date like that.

Usually I'm terrible with dates, hence my best friend, the wall calendar.

My mother couldn't tell you what month they were born.

My father could tell you dates, times of births, days and how much they weighed.

This is part of the reasons I am NC with my mother.

My mum and her DH have 18 GC and 3 GGC between them, they never forget a birthday or anniversary. My father probably couldn't tell you the birthdays of any of his DC or GC.

My late mum used to have a special birthday book, as did my grandma. Does anyone still have those? I just use the calendar to remember birthdays - I probably wouldn't remember many at all if they weren't written down. And actually, I'm not sure I could tell you some of my relatives' birthdays without checking.

My DM has 11 GC and remembers all their birthdays with cards and presents, plus often other key dates as well (card for good luck in exams etc as they get older).

She is getting on a bit, so needs a bit of support with the 'remembering' though, these days .I ring her up and we do a big diary session over the phone (she lives 4 hrs away), so she knows what's coming up this month etc. But after that she doesn't need any more prompting. She'd be mortified to forget any of them.

Last year she got a mobile phone and learnt to text...now she sends texts to the teenagers quite often. (Usually something random and a bit bonkers, but they love it, and 'my mad nan' has quite a following!).

I'd be bloody gutted if my DM couldn't be bothered to remember. Though I wouldn't worry if she got the odd day wrong (ie thought the birthday was Monday when it was a Tuesday) cos she is a bit scatty. She'd never actually forget completely though.

DHS mum lives with us so it's easier for her to remember! In fact she is super sharp and reminds me of stuff all the time.

YY to the special birthday book...all our older female relatives have one. I write all the family birthdays on my wall calendar in the kitchen.

I've got the birth date of my own pfb wrong before now . Some people just have terrible memories. But a wall calender does help, at least until you're out and someone asks you their birthday. Mind you I've quite literally forgotten my own birthday too.

If they are otherwise loving and caring grandparents, it's not a big thing to send a gentle reminder. If they are uninterested grandparents, then you can't expect much of them at any time :/

My mum - no idea (has dementia). Dad - no idea ( but will write a card and cheque when reminded). PIL send a card and £20.
None of them do anything for ds's birthday.

Mine don't, but they know what month and ask what date close to the time. It doesn't bother me.

Hmmm so it's six of one so to speak.

I'm disappointed but I do have a tendency to be sensitive about these things. I'm unsure if DP is upset by his DF. His text back was a curt 'her birthday is Monday and we are busy Sunday' DP himself made me chuckle tho. He asked what actual day it was. Ermm... The Monday, the day you booked off work because it's her birthday

My mum is very scatty and very busy in her first year of self employment but even when she wasn't she saw DD playing with her cousins piano toy thing and it was up to me to find out where it was from and order it. I told her to so DD got nothing

p.s my mum was at the bloody birth too so she should know! i had a emergency c section so she was waiting outside thinking me and dd had died. certainly a bloody day to remember!

Some people just can't remember dates. My dad couldn't ever get my birthday right!
I'm really good at remembering them but DP isn't so i often have to remind him of his own family birthdays.

My Parents and DP's mum all know DD's birthday and buy gifts (DP's mum is in Australia and always manages to get something here at the right time)

DP's Dad has never got the right date and has generally shown a lack of interest - will send a card one year and then nothing for a couple of years.

His complete lack of interest in his only grandchild, along with other issues has actually led DP to cut off all contact with him as he was finding it so upsetting.

From the other point of view I had one set of Grandparents that never remembered my birthday (rarely a card never a gift) as a child I did go through a stage of wondering why they didn't like me - this has made me really resent DP's dad because I don't want my dd to grow up feeling that way.

I do understand why you find it upsetting but I think some people just aren't that into their grandchildren and some are not that into birthdays. I had three grandparents growing up and my mother's parents remembered every year (and my grandmother still does), my father's mother never did (but she did have over 20 grandchildren, to be fair to her).

We have no living children (recent stillbirth) but it's obvious from the way that DH's parents are with their other grandchildren that any children we do have will probably be unable to pick them out of a line-up.

Some people just prefer adult company - it sounds like your FIL would quite like to see just the two of you sometimes, it would be nice if you did just get a babysitter sometimes.

I think i may be unleashing a massive drip feed. Thinking about it, the reason I am so annoyed at my mum is because she used to make me feel so guilty about moving away and setting up my own life and she always has made a big deal about not being able to have more kids (not a medical issue) and talked about how excited she was to have a granddaughter but in reality she can't be bothered to make the effort and never has been since DD was born. She's also quite terrible when she is in DDs company. Always playing on her phone and not watching DD etc. I trust her to care for DD in my house but certainly not hers or outside of the home. She's too absent minded

My mum was good at remembering all birthdays, except mine, her only daughter.

It's my dd 1st birthday next month, none of my family knew, they thought she was already 1 (meaning they had forgotten altogether). I wouldn't mind but they keep asking what I'm doing for my birthday, my dd birthday is the day before mine. But all the other dc in my family (mainly my cousins children so not even their dgc and they're born around same time) have big reminders in the calendars etc

I've been human and forgotten my own birthday so I could hardly judge anyone else for forgetting things.

I don't set people up to fail, I start mentioning significant event in advance to jog memories and save the embarrassment and hurt.

it does sound like therés much more to it than just birthdays. this is a deep seated irritation isn't it?

Have you tried speaking directly to her about how you are feeling and giving examples? Non confrontationally is the best way, speaking neutrally and using non-judgemental language.

That might work with some people. if your mother is not like that, then it's a bit more difficult. You might have to start forgetting her birthday etc (and then making the point verbally) to try to get through to her.

Otherwise it might have to be a case of stepping back and expecting less from her, and facing the disappointment she's not the grandmother you want your daughter to have.

God this sounds terrible but yes I think it is a deep seated irritation! I think you've found the perfect phrase.

I do tell her how I feel. I think we have a fairly open relationship to say how we feel etc but I'm finding her hard all over at the minute. I don't speak to her often anymore because of it.