Confused with my ex....your thoughts needed..

[ConfusedWithLifeMan]

Me and my ex have always had a rocky relationship. At Christmas my Grandma was diagnosed with terminally ill cancer and didn't have long. This meant I went to be with her every evening straight from work, slept in another bed and ultimately my relationship broke apart. She broke up with me in April and I moved out. We work at opposite sides of the building. Anyway, I was in a desperate state with my gran, moving out and break down of my relationship. She started seeing someone very quickly also, and I literally fell apart. I was harassing her via text, going to her house, going to her at work etc. She eventually got work involved and so I had no option but to leave her alone full stop. Anyway this was July. We broke up for the 6 week holidays and I hurt so so much, about 4 weeks into them my best friend organised to get my belongings. That night when she was drunk she text my best mate asking him to tell me that she'd always loved me and that things just got too intense. Anyway, I went and collected my things and we started hitting it off again. One morning she said to me that she didn't want to know what I had been up to. Later that day would you believe she went into my bag to get a jacket and saw a condom leaflet. She's not spoken to me since and is now out dating new people again. She broke up with me and started seeing someone else, how can she be so devastated (her words) and hold it against me like this? Does she need time to cool off again or is this really it, the deal breaker for her? Does anyone else have advice or similar stories of this nature and how they panned out?

Three words.

Get. over. it.

I dont mean that in a cruel way but that fact is that she has finished with you so rather than harbouring hopes that she will change her mind if you send her enough flowers, you need to accept it and move on. Stalking is never a good idea, as you found out.

And tbh she sounds a bit hypocritical, she can have other relationships but when she thinks you have she holds it against you? She is a classic case of "I dont want you but you are not allowed to move on". She wants you to be in love with her as her back up, but wont give you anything back. Not the sort of person I would want to be with.

You sound quite young, how old are you?

I'm 30. I really wish it was that simple but she's the one I've loved the most and working in the same building and is a big hindrance to moving on. Cars next to / near each others in the car park, meetings together etc.

Yes, very hypocritical I know. She's 'not holding it against me' but is my friend one minute and not the next.

Reading this board there's lots of people unhappy in relationships, bored, cheating etc. Me and this girl have never had that and our chemistry and enjoyment of our time together is amazing. Also, we are both very picky people and take a very long time to find someone seriously. All that made our relationship so fun and with so much passion.

But you still need to accept it and move on. Not doing so wont make her love you, it wont change her selfish attitude and it wont give you a happy ever after, all it will do is stop you finding the happy ever after with someone else.

I know how hard it is when someone you love doesnt want you, I have also experienced the "blowing hot and cold" thing. Its selfish because they dont want you for themselves but they cant bear the thought that you might want someone else. But until you accept that its over, allow yourself to grieve and come to peace with it, you will alway be overlooking other perfectly nice and emotionally available women in the hopes that she will one day turn into Princess Charming. She wont.

Is another job a possibility? You sound like you work in a school, would a move be doable?

Don't be 'that person' who, when the ex whistles, they go running. Things broke up for good reason so have some self-respect and move on with your life. Might mean changing job to get a fresh start. What you're calling passion sounds a lot like head-fuckery