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Relationships

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Original poster

How does anyone ever get dates with online dating?

27 replies

happyandsingle · 25/09/2014 17:05

Just curious to know with this online dating thing how people ever actually manage to meet up with anyone.
Seem to chat to men ok but never any real suggestion of meeting up just happy to chat with endless messages but never getting anywhere iyswim.
How long do you suggest chatting with someone before meeting up?
Any opinions would be appreciated.

OP posts:

seasavage · 25/09/2014 17:41

IME awful. Never again. For 2 (4) really good friends they're now married.

seasavage · 25/09/2014 17:44

Sorry. And as for meeting up, I was wary if they were keen at first. It sounds arbitrary but I decided to only meet up if they didn't suggest it for about 10 chats online. My friend set a 30 limit, maybe I was too keen?

Walkacrossthesand · 25/09/2014 17:47

Before I did OLD, I naively thought the sites were full of genuinely single people looking for real-life a partner like I was. Now I know better, and I don't bother with OLD any more.

Original poster

happyandsingle · 25/09/2014 17:50

I'm beginning to hate online dating as well. Just seems impossible to meet men in real life. I'm 35 single parent so my social life is limited.

OP posts:

avocadogreen · 25/09/2014 17:52

Do you ever suggest meeting up or are you waiting for the man to do it? IMO there's not.much point chatting endlessly without meeting up, you just can't tell if there is any spark without meeting someone. I met someone online, I was the one who suggested meeting up and that was after about a week of chatting.

cartsmar · 25/09/2014 17:55

Haven't done it in a while (because I ended up marrying one of them) but I would chat only briefly before meeting up. Maybe a few messages over a couple of days, and then drinks/coffee. Life's too short to fanny around chatting online to someone who has no intention of meeting up.

In fact I often met up with people with minimal chat. 'Hi, you look nice, drink on Monday night?'

CheeseBored · 25/09/2014 18:00

I agree with those who have suggested meeting up asap. I hate endless ping ponging of messages. You just can't tell anything from an online profile. I have been on lots of dates, most of them pretty good. And I often instigate a meeting - why wait for them to ask you?

itwillgetbettersoon · 25/09/2014 18:03

I'm currently dating a man I met on POF. One week max of chat before suggesting we meet for coffee or drink. I wasn't interested in having loads of pen friends so my attitude is if I like the look of them, they can communicate well and we have things in common then just meet then quickly to sort the wheat from the chuff. After all it is only a drink not really a date.

cartsmar · 25/09/2014 18:03

And OP - this might be obvious but really try and enjoy each date for what it is! Even the bad ones were fun in their own way and have given me plenty of anecdotes! A few one night stands along the way too - nothing wrong with them either!

Don't lose faith. But do move on from the fanny abouters and just start asking people out.

fortyplus · 25/09/2014 18:09

A week of emails then phone for a chat. If you like his voice suggest meeting up. And yes to enjoying even the awful ones - I've got some cracking stories but it would make me sound like a total bitch to repeat them on here!

Diagonally · 25/09/2014 18:20

All except one or two dates I've been on, I suggested it first.

NotNewButNameChanged · 25/09/2014 18:30

OLD is soul destroying and hideous. Never again. I know so many people who've done it and only two ended up in anything that lasted more than a couple of months

justiceofthePeas · 25/09/2014 18:38

Sometimes I suggested sometimes they did.
They have to have said at least one funny or interesting thing that made me think a date might be a laugh.
Never anyone whose opener was hi huny or hi gorgeous and who clearly had no read my profile at all or written nothing on theirs.

Try not to ping pong for weeks but also give them a chance to tell you if they are an idiot. (Few MRAs on POF and at least one who came across as Buffalo Bill....they can't hide it for long)

Give it a go.

Darkesteyes · 25/09/2014 18:47

NotNew thats what puts me off. I dont think its for me either.

Telltaleheart · 25/09/2014 18:48

Make it clear on your profile that you're not interested in an online only relationship. Smell a rat if the subject doesn't get broached in the first half dozen messages or so. And by all means, ask them out if you want. Dont necessarily wait for him.

But there are a lot of time wasters and posers out there.

Sassyb0703 · 25/09/2014 18:51

I had never been online dating but marriage broke up, was lonely and made an half hearted profile,, just to see what happened. The profile I read on the opening web page, which had inspired me to join, contacted me within 5 mins...I never spoke or contacted another...we have been vvv happily married for ten years this month and together for much longer....go for it. you never what's around the corner x

borisgudanov · 25/09/2014 18:54

The thing you need to remember about these weasels is that the longer you are a member the more money they make. So the last thing they want is people gettong together and leaving. Look for the vested interest.

I am a bloke and 5'3" so basically nobody ever even saw my profile or messages as I was just filtered out at source.

Thank God I don't have to go there any more. Ghastly things.

Branleuse · 25/09/2014 18:56

I havent done OLD much, but its sort of how i met my dp.

I think if you fancy the look of someone and youre getting on well talking and feel theyre genuinely interesting, then I would definitely try and steer towards meeting up for a shag.

You cant know unless you shag them

Original poster

happyandsingle · 25/09/2014 18:59

I did meet someone I really liked of pof but it only lasted about 3 months before he became distant and I guessed he probably just met someone else. A lot of men just keep there profiles up even when dating someone just waiting for something better to come along. Since then all I've done is chat to random men who seem to just want to send messages all night.
I find it boring to just sit there talking via text all night I have things to do and my daughter to look after,but I swear some of these men seem to have nothing better to do than text all night.
I also feel it is hard to get a long term relationship with online,most of these men seem to get bored after a couple of months and then it's like on to the next one,they can just go online and get someone else.
Very depressing.

OP posts:

Darkesteyes · 25/09/2014 19:01

boris by the sound of that they are there to take advantage of people who might be a bit lonely.

fortyplus · 25/09/2014 19:22

There are some sad comments on here. I went OLD for 6 months - met about 20 blokes. None of them were the one for me but I've made a couple of nice male friends and with one exception they were all honest about their intentions.

Xmasbaby11 · 25/09/2014 19:30

I met dh on OLD 8 years ago when I was 30. I exchanged emails with about 10 men around the same time and met up with 4. I didn't text any before a first date as i don't think texting helps you get to know each other and it's too easy to text without considering what you say. Usually after a few emails, one of us suggested meeting up or it fizzled out.

Flapjacksmad · 25/09/2014 22:00

I tried OLD for a few years. There was a lot of messaging back and forth, I think a lot of men (and probably women) are lonely/bored and just want a chat in the safety of their own home. It's a big deal for some people to actually go out and meet someone on an actual date. I got a bit bored of this and the men I met generally turned out to be married or just after a good time. However, I did meet my current boyfriend who I've been with now for over a year so there are some people on there for the same reasons as you are. Having said that, if we split up I won't be going back to OLD!

Frogisatwat · 25/09/2014 22:38

I have a 'date' tomorrow. We messaged back and forth for a day and I took the bull by the horns and suggested a meet up. I will no longer get involved in lengthy dialogue. Cut to the chase. I like the new me

HampshireBoy · 26/09/2014 12:25

There are people on OLD sites that are just looking for someone to chat to online as well as quite a few that just want sex. As a man it can be hard work, trying to be yourself and not come across as pushy. I've normally suggested a chat on the phone after we've chatted a few times, and generally want to speak to the woman before meeting.

As you get older, especially with kids at home, meeting new people in RL can be difficult hence the growth of OLD. Treat it as a different way to meet people, not your only way. I met several women and ended up dating several for a few months.

In the end I gave up and joined a couple of local meetup groups as I realised what I wanted was to expand my group of friends and get out socialising rather than dating. I met my girlfriend through meetup, the nice thing being that we could get to know each other socially without the pressure of it being a date. If we break up I won't be rushing back to OLD and will hope to meet someone in RL through meetup again.

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