Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think DH is planning to leave...what do I do?

6 replies

Everstrong · 25/09/2014 10:18

We've had a rocky time over the past 6 months, I've been off work with depression and was having crisis team visits daily at one point.

Our relationship has suffered, partly because of my mental health issues but partly because I don't trust DH. I found out he had been exchanging flirty texts with a girl at work. I later found out that he had taken our DD out with this girl for coffee one day while I was visiting relatives. There would be nothing wrong if it was just friendship but he went to great lengths to hide it from me and only owned up once the girl from work dropped him in it by posting on his FB about how nice it was to see him.

I don't mind him having female friends, in fact he has lots of female friends, always has since we got together. It's the fact that she is the only one he flirts with, the only one he "walks home" from nights out at 4am and the only one he isn't honest about seeing. He even text her on our wedding night idiot didn't realise that his iPhone is synced to the iPad so the messages came up on there

Anyway, I now think he is planning to leave. There are lots of whispered phone calls going on to his best friend and a card arrived with the message "just let me know when and I will do whatever you need." It's all very cryptic.

I don't feel like I can ask him straight out (I think he would deny it anyway) but I need to know what to do to prepare for the worst. I'm on my knees financially having no been able to work (I am on SSP so have used my savings and even got into debt to pay bills). Fortunately I start back at work next week but I only work PT (3 days per week) so if he does leave I could cover mortgage, council tax and tests about it.

OP posts:
loudarts · 25/09/2014 10:22

He would have to pay maintenance for dd, might be worth looking on their website for the calculator to work out how much, you should also look into tax credits and maybe council tax benefit. It might help you to know exactly what financial position you would be in if the worst happened.

Mum4Fergus · 25/09/2014 10:25

I think you should speak to him about your suspicions.

Mum4Fergus · 25/09/2014 10:28

Sorry posted too soon...suspicions about him planning to leave. You have a child and have to talk through the implications/effects there...there may well be legal implications in terms of housing, financial obligations etc. I know you say you don't want to but you really need to take the bull by the horns on this one...good luck.

Everstrong · 25/09/2014 11:08

Okay, so I'm going to have to man up then. I don't want to look like I am being paranoid (here I am being paranoid about looking paranoid, the irony!) but I have to know where I stand so I can get my house in order so to speak.

OP posts:
heyday · 25/09/2014 11:17

He is likely to deny everything and even blame your 'paranoia' on your mental health issues. You have to get financial advice to see where you stand. This is a tough time for you. I hope you have friends/family to see you through it and things like this certainly make the battle with depression even harder.
Your friends here on MN will try and give you support and encouragement.

Everstrong · 25/09/2014 15:22

I've used the calculator mentioned above. I would get tax credits and with the amount of maintenance he would pay (earns £££) then financially I would be okay. I could even rent out the spare room for some extra money.

I spoke to my mum who thinks I am being paranoid but I still haven't had a satisfactory answer to the questions I asked about his female friend so I think this is making me more suspicious.

I feel trapped, if he's going to go I just want to get it over with. I know he's unhappy (I am too) and I want to make my life positive and focus on my daughter.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page