advice needed- new baby, husband has new career, I feel a bit lost! (long)

[imyourhuckleberry]

I have changed a few non important details in case this outs me. It's long so please bear with me....

I moved to Norfolk about 9 years ago with my husband, he had a good job offer here. We only intended to live here for a couple of years and then move back home (north yorkshire). His work kept dangling the carrot of promotions etc so we decided to buy and try to put down roots. Eventually my husband decided he wanted to change careers and go in to teaching, which was welcome news (his old job required lots of travel). In the meanwhile we had been trying for a baby for quite some time, and I got pregnant.
Because we thought changing careers plus moving house plus s new baby would be too hard to manage, we are still down in in Norfolk. We have a loose plan of moving home in a few years.
My husband's PGCE course is extremely intensive and I feel like I never see him. Life at home with a baby is tough, and I miss my family. They are all very close, constantly helping each other out(babysitting, DIY, financially etc) and I feel very much on the periphery of their lives. I do try to visit quite a bit but it's not easy with a baby. They don't visit me very often at all (sister maybe once every two tears, parents twice a year), and it seems very much out of sight, out of mind.
Financially we are struggling as my husband took a big pay cut to go into teaching, and I only get SMP. there's little benefit in me going back to work until my SMP is finished, as my pay afterchild care costs will be roughly the same amount. Husband's family are bot close with us.
I appreciate it will seem a bit mad a starting a new career with a new baby, but the timing just couldn't be helped (fell pregnant after a long period of trying, and husband had spent years gettibg corre t quals for teaching).
So, in a nutshell I am a bit skint, my husband is working virtually all the time and I feel like no one gives a shit about me. Any time I complain I feel I am being accused of not coping. I do not think this is true nor do I have PND. (Not overly weepy, tired, distressed, off food etc). Is there a solution to how I feel, or is it just a case of suck it up and hope that when my husband finishes his course he will have more time for us? I should add he is a great husband and dad, just under a lot of work pressure.
If you hung in there thank you, and feel free to tell me to 'woman up' if you think I am being a wuss!

I wont be telling you to woman up - youve been through the massive upheaval of childbirth and getting to grips with parenthood and even the most settled and content new parents find that a challenge.

The fact that your DH is also retraining for a new career will only add to your stress and strain. In a few years, with him qualified and working and baby more a toddler, life will get easier, but it is ok to feel like life is hard at the moment bwcause it is

Is there any way you and baby can arrange a weekend trip to your parents every six weeks or so? Bit of baby/grandparent bonding time and a rest for you - DH can use the weekend for coursework and free up.the following one to do something nice as a family?

Its a very very intensive course, as you no doubt are experiencing, but mecessary to teaching so is a burden to be endured until he qualifies.

I think this is something you have to put to your husband. You sound the sort of person who is usually adaptable and resilient and you don't seem afraid of a challenge but, every now and again in a relationship, we're all entitled to put our hands up and say 'I need support & appreciation... I matter'. No-one likes to be taken for granted and neither should they be. FWIW I think you should get back into work. The child-care costs may negate any financial benefit but you'd be a step further up the ladder once your DC goes to school and your earning potential will go up with it. Also, if you've been used to earning money and feeling useful in a workplace, staying at home in a baby can be quite a dent to your self-esteem

Who accused you of 'not coping'.. him?

Thank you both-great and helpful replies. He hasn't accused me of not coping but says he worries that I do too much and that I need to relax more (easier said than done). My parents are more direct and have made comments that I shouldn't be concerned by pretty much anything, and just 'be happy'. Anytime I voice a concern or say I am tired my mum says 'just ignore/forget about it'. She has also made judgy comments about me not being 'cut out' to be a SAHM which makes me feel awful and dig my heels in more about taking my full maternity leave, as if this would prove something to her, and myself.
Really helpful advice though, I will think about w happened at you have both said.

OP I was in your shoes; we moved to another area of the country when ds 2 was 6 weeks old and ds1who had severe brain damage was 2. On top of all that ds worked in yet another part of the country mon to fri and was doing an MBA in his "spare time"

What kept me sane was going to work 3 days a week as a divorce lawyer. Even tho the work was stressful it was a relief from being at home. Virtually all my salary went on a nanny, cleaner and gardener but if I'd been home alone full time I would have gone bonkers.

So, I'd suggest a part time job even if you don't make much money out of it.

I's also ask your parents to have your dc for a weekend so you and your dh can go to a nice hotel by yourselves

Sorry, typing on my tablet is awful! *I will think about what you both have said.

"not being 'cut out' to be a SAHM"

I would freely admit to not being cut out to be a SAHM and would not take an observation of such as a judgement. I found the baby years incredibly dull - DS seemed to be asleep 90% of the time - and would have struggled to fill entire days. My own DM tells me stories of how she got so bored when we were babies that she used to take the meter readings twice a day just so she could work out the maths and stop her brain going to mush!!

Im another one who wasnt cut out to SAHM. I was desperate to get back to work after I had dd. Now she is nearing three and brilliant company! I am enjoying this maternity leave much more than the last.

OP - "This too shall pass" life will get easier.