Is snooping on your OH normal behaviour

[jadey101]

I've seen a lot of threads on here lately with comments such as ' I was snooping through his computer - but he knows I do this' or 'I was snooping through his phone - but he knows I have trust issues'. It seems common for some people to routinely check up on their other half. Is it as common in reality as it seems to be on here?

Admittedly I did once snoop on DP, right at the very beginning of our relationship. he left his FB logged on at my place, I went through his messages and to see how accurate he had been with what he told me about his wife/other relationships. It made it clear he had been 100% honest so I never felt the need to do it again though I know his passwords for comp/fb/phone.

To my knowledge he has never checked up on me.

Is it common/normal ?

I snooped once as I knew something was wrong and needed confirmation. Found it and that was that.
If in a relationship I ever felt the need to snoop again I'd know something was massively wrong. Similarly, if a partner snooped through my stuff it'd be a deal breaker.

I wouldn't say it's normal, to me it indicates a problem, either the snooper's insecurity or the other person's suspect behaviour.

No, it's not normal behaviour.

Not common, normal or desirable IMHO. Usually indicative that something is either not well in the relationship or not well with the individual doing the snooping. Good relationship shouldn't be naïve total trust of everything and ignoring all suspicions... but it shouldn't be a domestic version of the Stasi either. OTOH having a look at FB messages if someone is carelessly still logged on might be classed as 'natural curiosity'.

I think the need to indicates a problem. Me and my OH are open with everything, I had no pin on my phone but put one on. He knows it and I leave my phone laying about, let him use it, give him the phone for the day etc if he goes out and needs it. He has nothing to hide from me either so no need for passwords etc to be secret... I think the most basic thing part of a relationship comes from "what is mine is yours" and vice versa. I'd be alarmed by somebody not sharing this. You share your body, your finances and life, if you still have something to hide after that then there is an issue.

I did at the start of our relationship.

He knew I had trust issues, we were best friends before lovers so he knew my background better than anyone.

The need to snoop petered out for me though. I have to admit, this took years though.

I think the key thing in our case is that he knew my insecurities, understood them, and thought I was worth the effort!

He'd have been told to LTB in those early years but luckily he thought I was worth it

No it's not. I've only snooped in relationships where I felt insecure and/or my instincts were telling me something was wrong. I would have no desire to snoop on my DH's phone unless he was acting suspiciously.

I should add that I don't think being in a relationship means zero privacy.

I don't and never have.

To be snooped on is soul destroying and the death knell in a relationship. Especially if what they find is twisted and used as evidence for bad behaviour. It is to easy to misinterpret things.
If you feel the need to snoop it is already to late.

I think if you have grounds for suspicion then snoop if you must. Or if you have reasons not to trust your DP or if he's being secretive for no reason. Nothing worse than the person good heavens I had no idea I'm devastated and it turns out the DP has been working late and getting in at 3 am for the last four months but nothing was ever suspected.

I do it occasionally, if I get the opportunity. I don't think it's the sign of a healthy relationship, but I can't resist, due to his infidelity years ago.

I don't and never have.

Majestic

Thanks for the reply, you only tend to see 'I snooped and I found out x' I was just wondering if people snoop repeatedly/routinely despite never finding anything.

If you don't mind me asking, do you feel relived after snooping or still worried that he may be really good at hiding after the last time.

Never have but I have never felt not been given any reason that I need to.

Interesting article from The Telegraph about this: www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/10793926/Is-it-ever-OK-to-look-at-your-partners-phone.html

Jadey, I have never thought about that question.. I guess I only feel mildly reassured, I still think he could just be really careful. But I only have those thoughts occasionally and I only snoop if the opportunity presents itself.

I am a very private person and have been since a child. I get very upset with anyone looking at my phone or computer. Not because I have anything to hide, but just because I think it is an invasion of privacy.