Are these legitimate reasons to end my relationship?

[textingdisaster]

I started another thread today but worded the title strangely so thought I would re-post.

The 4 basic reasons I would like to end my marriage are:

1. Lack of physical and verbal affection.
2. Complete inability to talk about anything without it becoming an argument.
3. Only h's name is on the house deeds and he refuses to discuss having a will or life insurance.
4. H has a short temper.

Sorry, just thought of another one. H is capable of not speaking to me for weeks (as he is doing at the moment).

The question I would like to ask is, is it ok for me to end my marriage based on the above, given that it will really affect my 3 dc (8, 10 and almost 13 years old)?

...as others may have said, you don't need to justify wanting (needing?) to leave the relationship. Sounds to me like you should.

Thank you for your messages. Any thoughts on how to deal with the ostracism? It's very very painful. I guess this is partly in response to the fact that in the course of the awful argument I said that our relationship would have to end. It was an awful argument and I was very hurt by what h said, his tone of voice and what seems to be his endless resentment towards me.

So now he has metaphorically "killed" me. Either because he is feeling very hurt, or because he is giving me a taste of what things would be like were we to split.

I cannot however carry on living my life needing his approval.

This is not what it would be like if you split.

Having a silent or sulky partner is draining and maddening. Having no partner at home can be nice. You can relax.

Except if you split you wouldn't have to have that horrible feeling in your own space, would you?

Can you ask yourself if being with this person enhances your life? Are they the cherry on the cake, so to speak?

Or does your day to day slowly grind away the essence of who you are?

Would your friend treat you this way? Probably not, because then they wouldn't be your friend, now would they?

You don't need 'legitimate reasons' to end a relationship. If its making you unhappy, end it.

His 'closed' way of being angry is a form of abuse - a lot of people do it, but it isn't fair to make someone live with it.

if your marriage is recognised in UK law you'll be ok for part of the proceeds of a house sale, or to stay in the house until the children are of age, but if its an Islamic marriage, no.

Thanks for your thoughts. It is a UK marriage yes. Just wondering if I come across as downtrodden (massive stereotype I know for which I apologise in advance). In any case that is not totally off the mark as my h (who is older than me by 12 years) does come from a different (more patriarchal) culture and generation almost.

Have started a new thread about something called quanta freedom healing which sounded interesting and which is supposed to help recovery from narcissistic abuse. Certainly h and I are locked in a destructive pattern. I have always had a desperate need for approval which pre- dates marriage - probably in part due to a dad who though lovely, always thought you could have done better. H in turn has had to cope with an alcoholic father who eventually left, racism on the street when they first got to this country (when he was 10) - things like being spat at in the street and having to take different routes to things to avoid people in the park or wherever, and I suppose his divorce from his first wife (where she got the large family home and he was left with a smaller business property).

Anyway that's my pop psychology analysis of the situation.

And no I really wouldn't accept this kind of behaviour from a friend - and I quite often daydream of being completely independent of h. It's the whole breaking up of the family thing which is terrifying .