did you tell your cheating ex what you thought?

[Frogisatwat]

I am so tempted to email him and calmly explain what effect his affair had on me.
I am being told to be cool. Baggage reclaim tells me not too. But I need to let it out somewhere. Its going around and around in my head. Ive heard the method where you write it all down but don't send it. But to me there seems little point in that.
He may not read it and if he actually gave a shit he wouldn't have cheated. I just feel powerless with no where to process these thoughts that won't leave my head. My RL friends can't hear my stuck record again. I don't know what to do.

I didn't, but i did get revenge on him in the best possible way, without having to lift a finger. I threw him out and he moved in with OW. she was on benefits, not working, 4 kids blah blah. My closest friend discovered that OW was in a council house and getting everything paid for her, so called up the council anonymously and dobbed her in. She had him out on his ear in seconds! He had the cheek to call me and basically sob on my shoulder about how unreasonable she had been. I, meantime, was doing a gleeful dance while disdainfully asking him why he thought i would care.

Telling him anything is usually best done when the emotions are cold, or, as someone suggested, email it to a third party. You will be okay, even though you don't believe it right now. The fact that you are able to reach out for help on here shows that you are strong and know that you need some support. We're here for you.

Time is all you need oh and lots of lovely distractions/plans.

I did let mine have it at the time, my screeching rant was legendary it after that I tried my best to be nonchalant even tho I didn't always feel it.
Put your energy into getting well.
Force some food in, do some exercise, get a new haircut, all superficial but do help.
look amazing on the outside even if you are dying inside.
Plan some fun things to do with friends or family (I needed constant goals to look forward to)
This will pass I promise.
Do see a sympathetic dr too and ask about some counselling.

It varies from person to person but I have found psychotherapy a good way to really talk repeatedly about the tiny details with someone who knows how to react. With a psychotherapist you worry less about the "stuck record". Ask your GP as apparently you can get it on the NHS now.

Immediately after it came out, I told my ex face to face that he was a coward to have strung me along for a year and that exposing me to his unprotected sex was disgusting. I'm not proud that I got angry, but I had a valid point, and made it, and I hope it sticks in his mind. Later on I tried to arrange a meeting to discuss it "properly", but half-way through I realised that I would get nothing out of it - no apology, no explanation, no closure - and left. Since then I've just contacted him about practical matters.

Cor, this thread doesn't half stir up the emotions but I'm in so much of a better place I can just look at them and laugh.

All the revenge I plotted was in my head.it gave me something to do when I was hurting and couldn't sleep.

The best revenge was meeting him at a family party after 5 years of him being out of the country. I always make an effort with myself and that day was no exception. It was an afternoon party so I didn't go over the top just a nice dress, heeled boots , hair, nails and make up done. I've kept my figure but I'm not thin. By contrast his mrs, even though she's ten years younger was plain and dowdy and fatter. She has horrible hair. The sort that you can't do anything with and it was just sticking out all over that day.

He has cancer now and is in a very bad way so I was prepared to play nice and introduce my fiancé to him and sympathise over his illness and he could barely bring himself to speak which said it all really. Ie that he is still full of resentment.

He doesn't love her. He was going to leave her but he got really Ill and she is a nurse.

So really look after yourself. Eat well and healthily and live well. Taking care of yourself is such a positive. It makes you feel better and being positive attracts nice people into your life.

That's the best revenge. It really is.

agree on just saying no and no reasons over the equipment damn cheek! Enjoy your hike. Connecting with nature is a great therapy.

OP don't answer. Just be out. Cheeky brass necked wanker he is!

Thanks all so much. What would I have done without you? Honestly. More
I've got a few more days of then I promised my children I would do sober for October. for me then. Puffy face (from crying) wreck no more!

That's the spirit Frog! So so happy to see that post!

Hope you enjoy your hike - I cannot think of a single better way to clear all thoughts of that wankbadger out of your head than frsh air and exercise

One thing I found cathartic was making a "FUCK YOU!" playlist - to be played at full volume and danced to when there was a sik of wallowing

And remember The Best Answer is No Answer

I might get that tattooed somewhere!

sik = risk!

The Gossip - Moving in the Right Direction became my anthem. It was played on a loop. Then again, music is so important to me but I had to totally change anything I had previously listened to.

How are you doing Frog?

Handful I think I suggested that one to you!! I had it as my ring tone for ages. Still dance like a loon and think how far I've come when I hear it

YES - it was you Boop!! I am eternally grateful

Another vote for a fuck you play list. Survivor by Destinys child and Roar by Katy Perry were my two main ones. 7 months in and I no longer need them and thank my lucky stars every day that STBXH met OW. I didn't realise it at the time but it was the best thing that ever happened to me and gave me the strength to finally get shut of him. I had tried to kick him out before over his drinking but he always promised me he would change and managed to talk me round. This time he didn't bother because he already had my replacement lined up. There were some really hard times but I'm out the other side now and loving my new life. I've even been on a couple of dates. Life is good. I've lost weight and look and feel a million times better now I am no longer married. He on the other hand is looking fat and miserable

I did let rip at him a few times but always regretted it. It's pointless because he is never going to take responsibility for his actions. So now, I hold my head high, act civil with him and don't let him get under my skin. It annoys him much more when I am being all reasonable anyway but I'm not doing it for that. I'm doing it because I've reached a point where I know my life is so much better without him in it and I honestly couldn't give a shit about him or his sordid new life. You will get there too OP, it just takes time. Be gentle to yourself, take each day as it comes and one day, you will realise that you haven't cried over him that day. Then you'll have a day when you haven't thought about him. And finally, there will come a day when you look at him and think 'what was I thinking?'

No. I utterly and completely have nothing to do with him.

Sends a far stronger message.

handful I'm so glad you enjoyed it! II shall think of you when I comes on. I'm glad to hear that you are moving in the right direction!

Boop - it's not perfect but it's getting better x

Had a fabulous walk up penyfan. I haven't burst into tears once today. My overwhelming concern surprisingly is now his welfare despite the fact he has treated me with utter contempt. Up until today if he had turned up with a barrel load of apologies I would have had him back. (Sorry for my lack of backbone) he could now offer me the moon on a stick and I would tell him to fuck off.
He is making a huge huge mistake and the ramifications of getting in deep with this other woman will have a negative impact on his well being.

Yes its not my concern I hear you cry... I knew his daughter before him and our families have become intertwined.

Handful I'm glad to hear you're "doing fine, one step forward one day at a time" - your thread is etched on my mind!

Frog glad you had a good day! Tell you what, let him worry about his own welfare. You worry about your own.

To be blunt, he sure as hell hasn't been giving a shiny shit for your welfare has he? Why should you give a tiny rat's ass about his

I did that a lot Frog in the early days too - I don't now.

Sometimes progress is made in leaps and bounds!