making love

[clattnow23]

we do not make love any more I went off it due to being too sore. It is extremely painful. I also do not eat during the day only at tea-time and during the day find life very lonely my husband goes out to work but he also ventures out without me at times to walk in the hills by himself. He leaves me with the dog. I miss my mum as she used to include me. I exercise every day all day. I am far too thin went to see the doctor who was useless. I would like a friend whom I can confide in. I am in Scotland

Hello everyone. A huge thank you to everyone and once again wow what a response. I have never had such a wonderful welcome to a forum. I am over whelmed.

   May I say that my husband picked up some leaflets yesterday to do with Needs in Aberdeen and they meet once a month to do with eating disorders.  You are right I did post on here for help.  You are all very kind. My husband does know about me as you can see and yes he is worried. My mother died in 2011 and I miss her very much.  We used to do everything together.  She died from an over larged heart and she had parkinsons disease.  She swomped my life with her love.  Very loving but to the point of overkill.

    I am 47 and no I do not have periods.  I did when I reached 7 stone at one point but then my clothes did not fit.  I like being under weight so that they do not come back.  I will try to go to a weight acceptable to me and my husband though.  I am having the pre-menopause.  I am afraid to say but I cannot have children as I cannot cope with them.  My little dog is enough for me.  You are all right I will try some cream to help and get my husband to lubricate me more.  He is extremely worried and does try to help.

    I have also been to the local mumsnet and asked Shaz47 for help to do with some groups so you are right there too and asked if she knows of a friend who likes walking and talking.  May I ask any of you ladies reside in Scotland at all for a friend?    Any with dogs?  A friend for my little one?


    I will try a timetable to fit in light food with my exercise another good idea.  My husband has already left me some oatcakes to eat as apparently they are low but help to give out good energy.      

    Thank you all once again.   All wonderful people.   From Clattnow23

OP, you seem to be suffering from vaginismus. It's when your vagina muscles tighten during penetration and makes very painful. You can google it and there's a lot of information on this.

This could be in turn related to your weight loss, but most likely, it's got psychological roots. Maybe previous painful experiences when having sex?

I found out about vaginismus many years ago, because I was and still am unable to use tampons. For some reason, I find it so painful and I can't do it.

I never found sex painful, though. I always thought I would because of the tampon situation, but I don't. It's all in the mind, really.

I'd talk to my GP, and maybe he or she could suggest counselling. Also, being alone so much is not healthy, and it's probably affecting your mood. Have you got any friends nearby you can meet at least once a week?

I'm glad you've found the posts helpful OP.
Hopefully you've got plenty of information to tackle different things that are having a negative effect on life, it sounds as though your mother's death has left quite a void.

Please do try and think about eating sensibly for your long term health

I have vaginal pain but it's not menopause related. It's good to change your sex life and routine so it isn't about penetrative sex. Oral sex to climax, mutual masturbation and using clitoral sex toys can be just as satisfying and intimate as piv sex. Do not bear pain just so your husband can go inside you. Please each other sexually in ways that don't hurt.

One of my best friends had anorexia and I know how hard it is to deal with. I don't think you can deal with this on your own. I would go and see a female GP if there is one at your practice and tell her you need help with your eating disorder, and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who specialises in eating disorders. A support group once a month, although useful, is simply not enough.

You say you fear being a normal weight, this is absolutely standard in EDs, and specialists can help you with this. You may know you should eat more and exercise less, but you may feel you can't actually achieve this. You really need support to help work through why you fear weight gain, and talk through all the feelings that food brings up.

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that anorexia in particular has the highest mortality rate of all mental illness (although technically it's classed as a 'disorder'). I know two women who died of anorexia and they both thought they were dealing with it.

If someone of 47 has no periods then they are short of oestrogen Body fat produces oestrogen, This is why thin and anorexic women do not have periods once their weight falls to a certain level. It may also be menopause in someone of 47. Lack of oestrogen results in a sore vagina. This can happen to a thin 30 yr old or a thin 47 yr old.

OP I cannot stress enough how you are at high risk from osteoporosis, and may have it now. Missing periods whether from menopause or being underweight before the age of 50 increases the risk hugely. Please see your GP and ask about a DEXA bone density scan which you ought to be offered if you have an eating disorder affecting your periods, BEFORE you break a bone, so that treatment can begin sooner not later.

Vaginismus is a psychological condition brought on by stress and worry and sometimes the reaction of women who have suffered sexual abuse. You can be helped by counselling etc if this is what you have.

Please don't use Vaseline as a lubricant- it's not meant for use as a lube during sex and won't do anything to help.

I feel really sorry for you- you clearly need a lot of support from medics who can help you in many different ways.

Glad you came back to us Clattnow.

I unfortunately do no live anywhere near Scotland otherwise I'd love to lend an ear and be a walking buddy. Is there a local WI or anything near you? Maybe get along to a local coffee morning or something?

Try also looking on the other site (similar to Mumsnet but just rearrange Mums & Net) there is also a local area there that you hopefully can get in contact with someone in your area.

You do need to see your GP though.

Pinfrocks your advise and information has been really helpful to me. I am not quite in the same situation as do not have an eating disorder but had early menopause symptoms between 39 and 42 so then went on marina coil and this masked hot slushes and no periods for months ..then very heavy victorian lady type periods where I couldn't go into work... I don't have any periods on the marina so this has been great. I am now 49 and in the last couple years it does feel like my vagina has shrunk. He is very large but we used to manage penetration fine before. It is so so painful now. As itsbetterthanabox said .. we have found other ways and we are very close...BUT it feels like I am not complete somehow. I would like to be able to have the choice of intercourse. My hair is also coming out in handfuls. I've seen my GP and she has mentioned HRT (just the oestrogen as the marina coil provides the progesterone) .. I am seeing her next week. Which HRT is the best? Ideally one that will restore or improve the vaginal pain (only painful during sex.. fine the rest of the time) as well as help with hair loss? Or are some known for one thing and not the other? Both are equally as important to me. I can't have sex in the way that I want it and feel not one bit sexy with hairloss :-(

Just to update on menopause etc I've been on HRT patches since 2015 now Evorel 50 and after just a short time on them my hair grew back and is as good as it was before.. shiny and thick. For the vaginal problems though I take vagifem (bit like a thin tampax to put in a tablet that stays up there) and this has also helped enormously. If you have an early menopause it means no oestrogen in your body which isn't good. I've been tested for osteoporosis and don't have it.

I am on oestrogel. Four pumps rubbed into my thighs daily. I have pmdd so for me it's to switch off my cycle. But I also take testosterone, gel again rubbed into my thigh daily. Both have helped massively with dryness I was starting to get and the testosterone has boosted my libido too.
The best hrt is either patches or the gel. The tablets are more likely to cause liver problems as they are metabolised and excreted through the liver but the gels and patches don't.

Professor Studd is a top gynae and has a great website. Well worth having a read as he goes into hrt and its safety on there too. And it's useful to print off the info to show your GP. ( the reason he is only private now is he reached retirement age for the NHS and had to stop work, all that expertise wasted)