Turning into someone bitter

[savemefromrickets]

I've been with DP for several years. I wanted to marry him and have more kids as well as make a home for my DS (full time) and his kids (part time). He didn't want to live with me so he's at his parents a few nights a week. Part of this I think was down to his EA ex accusing him of wanting to spend more time with me and my DS than his own kids (his kids overheard).

He occasionally stays here when he has the kids but more often than not he doesn't.

He has in recent years said he wants to buy his own place so he feels he has provided for his kids, but he hasn't saved up anything. I have my own house and was happy for them all to live here.

I don't see what he wants changing and I have now given up fully on ever marrying him, ever having more kids and am well on the way to giving up on ever living together.

I'm feeling fairly strung along. He thinks he should let me go to find someone who can make me happy but says he doesn't want to because he loves me. On my part, my continual compromises have made me bitter and a bit jealous of his mom and dad who seem to come first (I don't mind his kids coming first obviously) so I'm becoming the sort of person he'll never want to be with full time anyway.

On paper he sounds like a knob, I know.

I've suggested counselling but if he won't go then where do we go from here?

Doesn't sound as if he makes you happy and if he isn't prepared to compromise, maybe it's time to think about walking away?

I think he's giving you no choice but to call his bluff. You're right, you are being strung along. If he's been keeping one foot out of the relationship for years it's time to accept that it isn't his ex or his parents or his kids choosing to do that. It's him. Whatever he says, he doesn't see you as family.

Call his bluff, separate, and If he comes running to heel you might get what you want. If he waves you goodbye you'll at least have your self - respect.

Thanks, food for thought. Someone mentioned 'campsite rules' on here the other week and it really stuck in my head...

What are campsite rules?

On paper he sounds like a knob because he is a knob.

He knows exactly what you want from life and has been happy to deny you that, all of it, for his own benefit.

Knob.

^

I agree with cailindana.

His relationship with you, and your happiness, is at very best at the very bottom of his priorities.

He thinks he should let you go, but doesn't want to because he loves you?

Yeahhh....I would translate that as "I know I am a fucking shit partner who will never give you what you want, but I don't want to break up as the current arrangement is just so convenient for me".

Kick him to the curb.

Sorry but he doesn't love you enough to live with you, plan a future and have a family - he loves you just enough to be a woman that he sees occasionally, move on, he's seriously not worth your time, find someone who isn't a mummy's boy and scared of commitment.

Don't get bitter, get happy.

Campsite rules are when you leave no trace of you behind when you go (in this situation, that's no marriage, no house and no kids). Much as it stung, I had to recognise that it's a brilliant way of summing it up.