really sad about lack of engagement with family: self pitying, therapeutic rant!

[Brodicea]

Our family history, like most peoples, is complicated. But to cut a long story short:

Immediate family: I have one older brother and two half brothers. My dad has always been a traveller, he took us with him to the states during the 80s. But after that my parents relationship slowly faded, until he started a new family (which he didn't want my mum to know about - they were still married and still making a show of being together!) - and now I have two half brothers. Not unusual at all. My dad had often quipped that as my brother and I hadn't had kids yet (I now have a 5 month DD), he had 'made his own grandkids'. I kind of thought that having my DD would bring us all closer: as yet no mention of a visit from my dad, and my older brother flaked out of visiting this weekend. On some level, because of the jokes I guess I thought it would please him.

Extended family: as I was a small baby when we moved overseas, I didn't know any of them until we came back. Have always felt like the outsider, not getting the sense of humour, the endless references and allusions to TV shows and music…

I put a picture on Facebook of the day our immediate family moved to the states, and then added another picture in the comments section of our extended family on the same day - we're all between newborn and 7. I made the mistake of tagging another comment with my cousins names so they'd see it. I thought at the time maybe I should rethink that, but they were baby pictures from over 30 years ago so I thought pretty innocuous. One cousin replied: 'these should be for family only'. Maybe he is right, and fair enough, I have since deleted the photo and the tagged comment. But I just feel so sad and rejected by everyone, my immediate and my extended family.

This isn't unusual is it though? Lots of people barely talk to their cousins and lots of brothers are a bit crap about visiting nieces and nephews? Still, I guess I just feel so rootless - it makes me feel so depressed. Tell me this is normal and I'm not some terrible cretinous weirdo. I just miss them so much!

(I know I shouldn't have tagged people in the comments - I thought they would be laughing / pleased but I can understand why not. I hate Facebook and my stupid reliance on it)

[Flexibilityisquay]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad. All families are complicated, but your set up sounds more complicated than most! What your Dad did, starting up a second family, while still pretending to be part of the first, is not in any way normal. None of this is your fault though, and I am not surprised it leaves you feeling somewhat rootless. Have you spoken to anyone in your family about how you feel?