how can I get over a lost friendship?

[tomblibooo]

My best friend and I fell out over two years ago.

I want to be 'over it' but I can't get over it. I dream vivid dreams about it and wake up feeling so unhappy. I have since tried to reach out and be nice / say I love her, offer kind words (despite the fact that I was not the person in the wrong) and got back absolutely nothing!

How do I get over it?

Impossible to answer without knowing more about the fallout.

She couldn't get pregnant, I got pregnant. She decided not to see me.

Did she think that you were in the wrong? Did you part from her saying things in anger you didn't mean. What I mean, is do you think she is hurt by you and thinks that distance is the best thing for her.

You have to respect her decision not to maintain contact, even though it is obviously painful for you. Forgive yourself for te fallout as well as her and in time you will stop thinking about it as much. Time is all you need.

Has she got pregnant since?

no I didn't say anything bad/ painful. I just didn't reply to a few chit chat texts she sent following her standing me up twice with no explanation / no apology.

yep!

I fell out with my best friend, we didn't speak for 3 years, now we're friends again, but it's not the same. 2 years is just not enough time for her, but have hope that one day you'll be ok again.

If that's the reason for the fallout then I would question if you were good friends in the first place. If that's what she's holding against you, then I think you are better of without her.

A true friend would never turn away from you because of you getting pregnant.

i agree - it's not like i did it 'to' her. It was an extremely difficult and distressing time. Really was awful. I needed her support. deep down i logically can see that she must not be a 'good' person. Which is why I should just let it go. I think if i just had an apology then i could move on. It's the absence of an apology that I cant get past.

it's a bit harsh to say that she's not a good person, she may just have been struggling very hard. In this situation I'm not sure it helps to think of who was in the wrong and start blaming.

I think all you can do is leave it a few months since the last attempt to reach out and then write a letter, maybe a short one, saying that it was a difficult time for you both and that the situation got in the way of your friendship, that you regret that and that you miss her, her laughter, talking to each other, etc etc.

It may be too late, but it's worth a try.

If it doesn't work then sadly all you can do is grieve for the loss. It does sound like you're going through a version of grief. Acknowledge how much she meant to you and her friendship, give it a place in your head and then let it lie as best you can.

"I needed her support" You had a horrible time, and were pregnant. Why did you need her support? Did you not have anybody else to lean on? She may not felt able to support you, if she was hurting through not having conceived, and you were pregnant attempting to get support of her.

My best friend fell out with me about ten years ago. I had no idea why, she just stopped contacting me, didn't return my calls or text me back. After a few weeks I thought stuff you and stopped bothering. It hurt like hell, I didn't understand why.

After a long while I had a text from her telling me there was a dress I would like at a shop in town that she had just seen! I replied, asked she was and she replied and that was as far as it went.

I missed her like mad, but was stubborn and thought it was down to her to get back in touch again. After nearly two years she did, I had a text that said how sorry she was and missed me etc. It made me cry. She rang the next day, we both cried on the phone and met up a few days later.

We were quickly back to being best friends again, but I still don't know what happened. She couldn't really explain why, we've skirted around it a couple of times when there's been too much wine involved, but I still don't really know.

Sometimes people do something that they regret, a fallout of some degree happens and then time passes and it becomes too much of a big deal to get back in touch.

If the same scenario happened to me again I would react differently and I would go and see her and wouldn't have let that time pass. If it still hurts you and you miss her, contact her and tell her she may well be feeling the same.