told partner to divorce or move out

[vitabrits]

Lived together 18 months. He's been separated over 4 years. He's a bit cross - it's the dead money apparently -I've given him 15 months to do it. .......I'm sticking to my guns but it's hard.

Just to clarify.

You are in a relationship with a man for 18 months and he has been separated from his wife for 4 years and they are still in the process of separating finances?

3 months into your relationship you told him to divorce her or get out even though they are still sorting everything out and it still isn't sorted and you are both cross?

18 months living together, 4 years separated. Yes, it's time.

No sorry curly. Yesterday when we had the discussion I said I was willing to give him till the end of next year to have things finalized. They never really separated finances, he just moved out and that's been that.

He's acting like I'm being unreasonable. I alternate between feeling guilty for asking and angry, really angry, that I have to ask!!

He says he's never going back to her so what does it matter? I feel like I'm just his mistress.

I would ask him to move out now and tell him he might be able to move back in once the divorce is done.

I have friends in your situation. It did not work out well.

He's going to do it, and do it straight away now he realizes I'm serious. I do believe it's the right thing but I feel bad too. Especially worrying about how his kids will feel. All later teens/early adults but three still live with their mum. I get on well with them, and don't want to hurt them. But we have a baby together too, so I need to do the right thing by her as well.

I think the big thing for children is their parents living separate lives. Really, after separating, divorce is just a bit of an abstract concept for kids.

Also, it IS important. Legally speaking, his wife is still your partner's next of kin. In the event of medical emergency, they would contact her and not you. If there were any serious medical decisions to be made, it would be her and not you. Funeral arrangements? (sorry to be macabre...) Her not you.

People do drag their feet and it does take time.
I'm five years later and nearly there.
My partner is nearly 4 years on and still nothing is resolved.
Sometimes it's just not that straight forward.
You've given him some time, so hopefully he will sort it out.

Oh dear hellsbells, what sort of things are dragging it out? (I know that's nosy).

For mine - we just really didn't bother that much.
He stopped paying maintenance. Nothing I can do on that one as he moved to another country. So I needed his name on the mortgage to keep the house etc.....
Then he was an arse regarding properties and finance. I had a solicitor friend and he thought we were 'out to get him for every penny' so I had to get impartial advice. Turns out what my friend had said was wrong anyway and I'm now getting more than we had originally thought.
He doesn't have a postal address in the country he lives so it means that papers can only get signed and returned when our DD goes to visit. It's just one thing after another really.

For my partner, his ex is a nightmare. Doesn't think he should have anything and they can't agree on finances. The court won't let them divorce until finances are sorted so it's a catch 22 at the moment for them.

You'll get there. It may feel like you are the mistress but you aren't.

He is with you and that is what counts.

Thank you :)

I hope you have at least sorted things legally so that your child is protected legally should the worse happen to him.