Having a little cry.

[Patrickstarisabadbellend]

I have literally no intimacy I'm my relationship.

We have been together for 18 years and have 3 kids. It's been bad for 10 years now.

He tells me he loves me but that's it. We had sex about 6 times last year.

I'm 32 FFs!!! I just don't know what to do anymore, I love him so much and I don't want to end things.

I have no suggestions, I'm sorry.

32 is my daughter's age. She's hardly more than a child. You're too young to be in this position. I think you know that.

If you are 32 and together for 18 years I'm guessing this is your one and only true love relationship?

If it's been horrible for 10 years then think how you will feel down the line when you have never had the chance to experience true happiness.

How old are your DC?

Yes it's my only relationship. I'm just do down in the dumps and gutted.

It's embarrassing too!

My dcs are 13, 12 and 8.

DC are of an age where they are nearly doing things for them selves so what are you doing for you?

Are you working, what does he doe during the day?

You sound very unhappy and at sound a young age I envy your time to change things around tbh.

*and at such a young age

I work full time and he's a sahd. He goes out of a weekend with his friends too

We don't really do much together as a couple.

Dos he enjoy being a sahd, do you enjoy working full time?

No real advice for you I'm afraid but just trying to help you work things out. I'm nearly 40 with 3 Dc (younger than yours) and things are also pretty dire.

Let's hope some one comes along and saves us both

You are so young with so much in front of you, life may be hard now and you may be able to turn it around although my sensible mum head will say, don't settle for something you are worth more for

It's bloody hard isn't it. I seriously don't know what his problem is with me.

I find myself picking myself apart thinking it's me but it's him.

I'm sick of crying myself to sleep.

Aww yes it is very hard.

Have you asked him if he is happy, are the DC driving him crazy?

What time do you work to and do you get some time for yourself?

Im working tomorrow so must go to bed and won't be back till tomorrow evening x

I was with my XH for 19 years, we had 1 DS. Sadly the last 10 years were of pure misery, we grew apart and didnt like each other (we still dont). Our sex life was non existent and thats affected me even now. 2 years ago i said id had enough and i havent looked back! Im happier than ive ever been and this meant i was in a good place to meet my DP-hes everything me XH isn't. Be brave and don't accept second best.

The dc are in school so he just potters around the house, goes to hold or hangs around with his friends.

I work the usual 9-5 type of hours and tbh I hate it. I'm sick of it all.

I just wish he liked me the way he used to then our relationship would be so much better. I think he doesn't like me in that way anymore although he says he does.

Lovely, confident post jog (love your username btw)

I'm in that don't know land but can confidently say if i was 32 I would be running for the hills if I had MN back then to consult.

Bloody hell curly sounds like we're totally in the same boat.

I may appear confident, but its taken 2 years to feel so. I risked losing my house but reasoned id rather live in a tent and be happy, than waste another second on a man who openly despised me. That animosity from the one person who should love and support you ha a very negative effect. every now and again a glimmer of insecure me comes out (but don't we all?) i just wanted what most other people had-Team Jogonby and amazingly i now have that!

Yes, apart from you being 5 years younger with all those years to build better and I've had more first loves than you

You need to be happy, please let me suggest you see what he feels And then post again x

Im trying not to contact a potential OM at the moment. I KNOW hes not good for me and i HATE the fact that im sexually attracted to him. I dont normally go for "bad boys" so this is unusual for me. Im currently sitting on my hands or using them for MNing but its difficult. Im in a marriage that hasnt been physical AT ALL for 18 years. And ive had one affair which lasted for 4 and a half years.

Im sorry you are going through a similar thing with your marriage OP Its a shit place to be.

Patrick you say he says he still likes you as he did before but clearly he is not showing it, and deep down he must know this. I would suggest some form of couples counselling, or a visit to the doctor as something isn't right, if he refuses then unless you want to live the rest of your life like this I think you have to leave and make a better life for yourself, it won't be easy in the short term but as jogonby has proved it will be much better in the long term. As Darkesteyes has said staying together and having affairs is fraught with danger.

Talk to your dh and tell him how it makes you feel and see if he is willing to change things.

Can I ask is he happy? As a SAHD with now older children does he need the stimulation of work/ volunteering? Does he mention the distance between you? I am not suggesting this is the solution but I am aware my parents relationship struggled until my mum had her career and her confidence / empowerment increased too.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy and that your relationship is so incompatible and lacking in intimacy. Does it go further than lack of sex? Are you physically affectionate with each other - hugs, kisses, cuddles - or is there nothing at all?

I met my lovely husband when I was 36 and now I'm pregnant at 38 with my first baby. I'm so happy it's wonderful. I had years if crappy relationships and had written myself off at 35. I'm saying this so you can see that you are way too young to have this relationship and young enough to really start again with someone new. My best friend has been in a marriage for 17 years and she's not had sex since they conceived their two children who are now 13 and 10. She has completely written the rest of her life off and she's not even 40. Don't do this to yourself.

He'll cuddle me as we go to sleep and give me a peck but that's about it.
He was sacked from his job about 3 years ago and he simply does not want to work. He's mentioned setting up his own business but he's not doing anything about it.

He'll never get around to anything. Lazy, complacent and takes it for granted that you can't envisage life without him. What motivation does he have for being any different? What are the consequences to him doing nothing about this for the next 30 or 40 years?

Patrick - now that the children are at school, can you insist that he start working again?

It's not fair that you should continue to support the whole family simply because he doesn't want to work.

There was a thread from a stay at home mum a while ago effectively saying the same thing (just thought working was somehow beneath her) and she got lambasted.

Well it goes both ways.

Can you ask to switch to part time for a while, so you can start doing more childcare elements?

My second cousin married at 20 in haste, on the rebound from having her heart broken by a cheating former fiance, she is now 65. Her husband recently died and at the wake she seemed mainly regretful of having missed out on the best years of her life by being in a loveless relationship

Do everything you can to fix it but also accept that people develop and change so much from 20-30 years old. If you've grown apart & it can't be fixed don't wast any more of your life on it, you could find someone who you're crazy about to spend the next 50 years with

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counselloradvice10066.html

I read this before and burst out crying. The idea of not bring with him actually hurts my heart if that makes any sense?