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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU? Am I going mad? Is this triangulation? I'm really confused...

11 replies

IHaveAnOwlOnMyRoof · 22/09/2014 22:03

I briefly separated from my DP after he displayed some jealous behaviour towards me. He got quite possessive about me spending time with some friends (some of whom were platonic male friends).

I know, I know massive red flag and that but we have recently got back together again as I do really love him and he promised that he will not do it again.

We have subsequently been on a bit of a honeymoon period.

Anyway today he let slip that he is going for dinner to a woman's house this week. She is cooking him dinner. It is on a night that we would usually spend together (due to work commitments it is both our night off). I am not invited. He said that he didn't know her very well and that he is going because he wants more friends in his area where he lives.

I can't help it but I feel extremely uncomfortable about this. I figure that it must have been arranged when were separated and therefore the context of the invitation and acceptance of it may have been with something more in mind. As a woman I would not invite a man who I did not know that well to my house unless I wanted to shag him or that both him and me were fully aware of the platonic-ness of the relationship.

Just to say as well, that I have never been the jealous or possessive type in relationships. It is just not something I have suffered from, even though I have had my heart broken before. So this is quite out of character.

I think it is also quite a big double standard seeing as he was so upset when I went out (in a public place!) with some male platonic friends (and women).

Am I going mental? Is he playing games with me? Would you be annoyed about this too? Is it triangulating - making me now jealous of him when it was the other way round a few months ago (and I think he had a lot less right to be jealous?).

Thanks in advance for your advice.

OP posts:
FelicityGubbins · 22/09/2014 22:05

Yo are not mental, he is playing games with you and you need to dump his arse fast!

Dirtybadger · 22/09/2014 22:10

If neither of them were interested in getting their kit off, they'd invite you. Very very suspicious. I have platonic male friends and if they had a girlfriend who hadn't met me I would always invite them (maybe not every time, we might not even get on, but at least so they knew it was nothing to worry about and could suss me out).

Yambabe · 22/09/2014 22:11

Your friend has already posted about you, check down the page a bit..... Wink

Yambabe · 22/09/2014 22:12

The thread is called "why would a man do this"........

todayisnottheday · 22/09/2014 22:17

Um well i stand by what I said in the other thread. Forget the meal and find a partner you can trust to behave appropriately Confused not sure what you think the extra info adds really? Inviting for dinner is not inviting to bed. An arsehole is not a good partner.

Whatthefucknow · 22/09/2014 22:23

This is triangulation. He is checking to see how far he can push you. Don't argue with him. Don't do anything. Just block his contact. He is very very bad news I would say. I'm sorry you feel in love with him. It will be hard to detach. But he definitely does not love you back and is punishing you now for having the nerve to finish with him before.
Reverse the car. Back up. He's a cruel fucker.

IHaveAnOwlOnMyRoof · 22/09/2014 22:23

There is no other thread Confused

OP posts:
wfielder · 22/09/2014 22:25

Eh?

NettleTea · 22/09/2014 22:27

this is the thread you need

Yambabe · 22/09/2014 22:31

sorry, nettle is correct, I knew I'd seen another thread but got the title wrong!

Twinklestein · 22/09/2014 23:04

It's payback and it shows he's not over the jealousy but is simply trying to create it in you. He's basically going on a date and seeing how far you will go. I would bin his arse for this nonsense it will just run and run...

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