Overnight contact when ds doesn't really want it.

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I'll give as brief a rundown as I can.

Ds is 3, his dad and I split 2 years ago.
Ex was lazy, irresponsible, quite nasty towards me. Ended up at court this time last year. we agreed one overnight per week.
Ex stuck to this due to court involvement- as time has passed and our relations have improved the overnights have lessened.

Ds doesn't want to sleep there, quite often he doesn't even want to go full stop. Sometimes ex agrees to this, for an easy life I suspect. Sometimes he didn't and is former in 'making' ds stay there.

So no consistency really, I try to be very positive about time with daddy, make it exciting and prepare him as much as I can BUT I don't think ex does.

He's very much of the 'he's my son, I never see him, he will stay with me' thought train. As it happens ex is mostly out of work at present and very rarely makes the effort to collect ds from nursery(I work 4 days,9-4).

He blames ds's lack of enthusiasm on me- I spend all of my time with him, he's used to me, clings to me etc.
Ds is more than happy being left with other relatives for short periods- no tears or upset at all.
I've tried to reason with ex and say it needs to be as positive as possible for ds, exciting even.

Reading stories and fun bath times/cake making etc.
Truth is I don't think ex can be arsed.
It feels wrong to force ds to go, I'm accused of 'sticking up for ds(!)' by saying he shouldn't be forced.
I always side with ds is often said also.
I'm not are how to handle it, there's only so much I can do from my end and ex is so bloody narcissistic he can do no wrong or improve his side of things in anyway whatsoever.

Feel quite anxious and guilty at the minute- just want d's to be happy.

Is there anything I can do to improve things?

Can you not get a child psych report and go to court to show that it is not in DS's best interests? He's 3. Your Ex is an adult and is effectively bullying his child to boost his own ego.

He's your son and he's only 3 years old. Of course you side with him; it's what parents are supposed to do. What a massive pity his other parent doesn't.

From my previous experience of court I doubt ds's thought would even come close to being considered. Having said that the judge agreed to my contact schedule, although it was agreed between solicitors prior to hearing.
There's no court order in place.

Ds is a softy, he's never really been emotionally resilient although is getting more confident.
He's asked daddy I'd he could come home before and daddy says yes and calls me. Hence the lack of routine.

If love him to go off and have fun and not cry for me, it would be such a weight off my mind but I suspect the weight is only heavy due to ex's attitude.
Ie- I worry that ds will get upset and ask to come home because ex will 'blame' the both of us and his negativity shines like a beacon fr everyone to see.

I've tried so hard to maintain a civil relationship yet sadly ex will simply never ever accept this- I mentioned his narcissistic tendencies and believe me he is textbook.
He has always believed I have 'hogged' ds, didn't want him involved, want him all to myself now.
He fails to see that he doesn't take responsibility for a nano second of ds's life and the way things are panning out are a direct result of his overall lack of effort both when we were together and post split.
I'm ranting now, I apologise
I'm feeling quite tearful tonight

I'm sorry about your previous court experience, but I think it does need to go back there. Try a different solicitor/ barrister tell them all of your issues and get a court order. The current set up is making all of you miserable and there is no justice. Don't apologize for how you feel, there is nothing wrong in it. Have a and try to go to sleep.