So now I've started noticing women...

[ConfusedMum72]

I am a married woman in my 40s, I have never considered my sexuality as anything other than straight hetero. However, in the last couple of months I found this to be wavering. Nothing has happened, it's just I have found myself thinking not just "she looks nice", which we do all the time , to "she looks sexy". I have read that women's sexuality can be much more fluid through their lives, unlike men who tend to be gay or straight by the end of their teens. Has anyone else had the same experience at my time of life? I'm not worried as such, it's a little bit thrilling, but it has left me confused

My personal view is that most people are probably bi sexual to at least a small degree, although some people have much stronger, set, preferences than others.

So I don't think it's particularly strange to how a stage at your life where you find members of the same sex appealing in some fashion. However, I do think that once you are committed to someone, then you should respect that commitment, unless there are reasons within the marriage to finish it.

Don't worry about it, and don't let it confuse you. At the end of the day, I am presuming that you have a good life with your OH. It doesn't really matter whether you are noticing men or women - you're still with your partner ;-)

Don't forget that women are sexualised much, much more than men, so it's not that shocking to find that some women might fall into the same trap.

Actually, I think most people's sexuality is fluid in truth. I think women are just more likely to be open to it/honest about it than men.

I wouldn't worry about it. Unless you begin to feel that you no longer attracted to men/your husband, it's no different to finding other men attractive, really.

Thank you for your considered replies. The problem is, I find it a bit thrilling and I want to do something about it, which is where all the problems will start

I think once you decide you don't want any more children or are in your 40's your hormones obviously change and rather than listen to your body clock which makes men seem so attractive you suddenly start to notice that little bit of bi that women seem to hold.

Theres lots of turning tavern threads in the mumsnet archive OP, if it's something you really are thinking about/obsessing about. Would be useful to read about long term marriages breaking up. Fantasies are fun, so enjoy them but do be very careful if you want to take it into real life - affairs are affairs irrespective of sexuality or gender.

Thank you, what's a "turning tavern"?

I think there is a difference between thinking/acknowledging a woman is good looking/sexy and actually being attracted to them Imo.

Some of my friends have GFs who are a bit bisexual. Sometimes when we're out they would pull other women, which used to be quite amusing but is a bit awkward now we're a bit older (30ish). I remember once when my GF at the time started kissing my friends GF when we were out once. I think men find it less threatening than how women would find it if their man did the same with another man

I'd see if your hubby would be open to you exploring your fantasies alone or together. If that's not possible then you either have to be confident enough to leave him to explore this (huge massive step obvs) or just suppress it like you do when you fancy someone of the opposite sex.

If hubby isn't into you exploring it & you're happy with him then you can look at some porn and see if it gets you off? You'd need to be pretty certain to throw the towel in with your relationship. Probably just a phase or maybe expression of some boredom / frustration in your life?

Here's one of the old turning tavern thread - there's quite a few of them. Good reading for people muddling through their feelings. What you are feeling is very common.

Turning Tavern link

I could have written your post word for word a few years back. It's been a long and very difficult journey and I'm now in the process of leaving my marriage and starring life as an openly gay women.

Three years ago I couldn't have imagined writing that last sentence, but here I am down the line, a whole heap of counselling, under my belt, setting out alone.

I had an affair with a woman which has proved irreversibly damaging to my marriage but did act to catalyse the inevitable. I think my marriage would have failed with or without the affair and maybe it just made it a faster, cleaner process. The alternative might have been a horrible war of attrition, with increasing resentment on both sides - me because dh isn't female, and him because I just wasn't straight enough.

The relationship with the other woman didn't work out (she turned about to be a complete monster tbh) but did serve to confirm my orientation.

I would suggest counselling with Lgbt affirmative therapist to explore your feelings, rather than acting on them. Your primary loyalty is to your dh and the marriage needs to be treated with the respect it deserves. As others say, this might just be a small part of you that you can accommodate into a straight life and marriage. That just wasn't possible in my case.

So have I OP, although I'm single. But I was out last week at a gig and I was beckoned over to dance by a gay woman - you know in a 'from across the room' kind of way - very sexy actually. It was so good I went back for a second time

I've been wondering about my sexuality for a while. Always been in hetero relationships before but my divorce really did something to my sense of identity so maybe pp are right that sexuality is fluid. I know a gay woman who came out at around the same age as I am now after she divorced her then H because he cheated on her.