Why can't I just be happy??

[MozzchopsThirty]

In a great relationship with new man (almost 3 months)

He has never lied or let me down, spends all his spare time with me.

His ex started dating someone in July and yesterday she told him that she's going to introduce him to their children.
Boyf was not happy, doesn't want this guy round his children yet and even messaged this guy on FB

I asked him last nite if he had ever thought of going back, he said no, so why do I have this awful feeling that he would if it meant another man wouldn't be with his kids.

Of course there's no way of knowing this, and he's given me no indication of it, it's just my head working overtime

Why can't I just enjoy this happy time and let whatever happens happen?

The whole point of dating is to get to know someone. Everyone's on best behaviour in the early weeks.... easy peasy when there are no challenges. But then something comes along that sounds like a reasonable request from an ex and you see him in a different, less favourable light.

He may not want to get back with his ex but what was the message on FB to the new boyfriend about? What's been his general reaction? 'Enjoying a happy time' doesn't mean switching off your commonsense.

He sent a message to the ex's new boyf saying that he thought it was too soon to meet his kids
He said he realises that wasn't the most sensible option

So are your misgivings purely around his relationship with his ex or was there something in the way he handled this situation that struck you as unreasonable or unpleasant? Do you think you are reacting out of insecurity or because of his attitude?

Even if he handled the situation superbly, you are allowed to feel uncomfortable with someone else's 'baggage'.

When did he split up with the ex? I'm asking because if their split is still fairly recent and raw for the kids, he might be more reasonable in not wanting them to meet his ex's new bloke yet. But if they split up years ago, then the ex's request is more reasonable and his response is less so.

Your post reads like you think his reaction is more about jealousy, about not wanting another man to appear as a father figure in their lives and step into his old family role. Is it that, or is it concern for the kids' feelings?

I think I'm insecure, probably because it's going so well and I like him a lot.

We had discussed this previously after my friend introduced her children to new man after 3 weeks we both said we thought it was ridiculous and would need to be a lot further down the line to do that.

Now his ex is doing almost the same thing!

He doesn't want anyone replacing him as Dad (which happened with a previous relationship and I think he still has the scars from that)
They've been separated a year

How long has this man been divorced? (Three weeks? ) Or are they only separated? How old are the children? His ex started dating someone in July which is about the same length of time you've been seeing each other.

Yes but we're not bringing our children into it.
That's his issue, she can date who she likes

They're separated, divorce going through

How long have they been separated?

A year

Do you think his ex is being unreasonable? Do you think his reaction is unreasonable? 'Insecurity' is a bit of a catch-all and you may indeed be irrationally insecure - but I doubt it. I think something about this situation has rattled you and that you should trust your judgement.