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Wedding gifts question.

7 replies

kaykayblue · 22/09/2014 13:18

Controversial, I know.

My partner and I both feel very uncomfortable asking for anything really, so have been avoiding discussing our registry. However, now we keep getting rsvp responses asking if we have a register, or what do we want, etc.

We are having to travel for the wedding (as are half the guests - my partner and I are different nationalities), and would find it difficult to bring back physical gifts. We need nothing - literally nothing. We have tried telling people that we prefer them to come along than buy us things, but are still getting lots of registry requests.

The only thing we can think of would be contributions towards our honeymoon, as we both love travelling so much. But we are both stuck on how awkward this feels. We have tried looking at honeymoon registries (like buy my honeymoon or whatnot), but we still feel like this is an awkward thing to be asking for. We point blank refuse to ask people to bring cheques to the wedding in lieu of gifts. It just feels horrifically rude.

I'd be really grateful if anyone has any ideas, or knows any websites we could look for.

As a disclaimer, anticipating some of the standard responses: We don't feel entitled to gifts from ANY of our guests. If some guests choose to get us nothing at all, we probably won't even notice. If someone decides to buy us a crockery set or whatever, then we will of course thank them genuinely and profusely and not mention that it will most likely get smashed on the flight home. We don't need financial contributions to go on our honeymoon. The contributions would just mean that we might go slightly further afield, or stay in a nice hotel for a couple of nights.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 22/09/2014 13:20

Just ask/say!

If you're not comfortable with your guests, why are they invited?

kaykayblue · 22/09/2014 13:27

We are totally comfortable with our guests, but desperately want to figure out a way of trying to make it less awkward for people. For example, it would be great if people could have the option of making annon contributions towards things through a website, so people didn't have to feel self conscious about how much they gave.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 22/09/2014 13:32

To those who have asked, just say, that you really, really really don't want physical gifts as a) you already have what you need to set up your home and b) the practicalities of transporting gifts, but for those people who really feel they can't come without a gift, you will have a small box at the Reception into which people can put small donations, and you will put those towards your honeymoon / future travel. Emphasise that it will just be an anonymous donation box and you really don't want people to feel obliged to bring anything, as it's their company you want, but even if they do, then please just put small amounts in.

Would that work for you ? Smile

MrsHathaway · 22/09/2014 13:37

I like backforgood 's suggestion. You could think of a particular modest thing you'd like, name it, and say that any donations in addition would go to . Alternatively, any donations in your name to that charity or one your guests prefer would give you a warm and fuzzy feeling.

QuietTiger · 22/09/2014 14:09

A good friend of mine resolved a similar problem at his wedding, by asking for gifts to Oxfam Unwrapped. HERE

It was a 2nd marriage for his fiance and they had already set up home and had everything they wanted. They wrote something in the invitations along the theme "if you want to give a gift for our wedding, we'd love others less fortunate to be able to benefit from our special day as we don't want gifts".

It worked really well for him, as the guests really got into the spirit of things and he didn't have the hassle of "gifts".

mummytime · 22/09/2014 14:16

I would say:
WE really want you just to celebrate our special day and we don't need any gifts. We really don't have any baggage allowance to carry things back home with us. If you still really want to mark our special day then we can only suggest:
a) Gift voucher {some travel company of your choice}
b) Charity Donation {insert name of your choice}
c) Gift voucher {Store of choice}

With the third you can at least use them to buy Christmas presents etc.

Discobugsacha · 22/09/2014 14:22

If they ask just say you don't have a register as you already have everything for your home you need. They will then probaly give you money or vouchers. I do hate poems asking for cash but if you dont have a wedding list then most guests will automatically give cash anyway!

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