ex has new girlfriend

[merrpet]

i split with my ex about 3 months ago, and in the last week he has met a new girlfriend and is going to introduce her to my 3 yr old son this weekend.. and i am really nervous about it and feeling quite depressed. all seems very silly as i know i dont want to be with him and that i no longer love him, plus after how our relationship was there is no way i would ever want to be with him again as he has a nasty temper and uses emotional torture and blackmail like it is second nature, so i dont think i am bothered that he has a new girlfriend for me, but that i am worried about the effect on my lad.
to give a bit of background, i left him, and moved in with my parents, my father who is terminally ill with cancer and my mum who is at her wits end looking after him as although he is well in himself he is the most cantancorus miserable old bugger you could imagine (and always has been!!) whereas my ex is in my old flat that we owned with all my posessions and furniture until it is sold. now.. my lad is very confused still and he is always asking if i can move home to be with daddy, to which i say no, that we live here now and that although mummy and daddy are no longer together we still lve hi just as much as ever. my lad stays with his dad for 2 weekends out of 3, and loves his time with daddy as he takes him out exploring or onhis bike or whatever. i have explained to my son that daddy has a new girlfriend and told him that daddy still loves him, but that he will be meeting a new friend this weekend. my lad was very concerned that daddy didnt love him too, and asked to stay just with me!
now although i have no idea how things are going to pan out i do know what my ex is like, and being the kindof man he is i am very very concerned that he will not spend the same quality time with my lad and will be all over his new girlfriend instead of paying my lad attention. he has admitted he finds my lad a handfull as he is alone with him on the weekends he has him and would like someone there to help, now my concern is that my lad will be left with sitters while his dad is out with his new girlfriend, or that his dad will stop looking after him as well as he could because all his attention is focused on this new girl who he admits is all over him all the time and he thinks it may be hard for him to stop it when he has my lad staying.
i really just dont know how to deal with it all or how to sort everything out in my own head so i can feel more positive about the whole situation as right at this minute i feel i am decending into a deep dark hole....

Ok, Merrpet, first of all you don't have to let your son go for contact if you think he's not going to be properly cared for. Is your ex living with this new woman? If not, why not suggest that, even if your son is happy to meet her, it's only for a couple of hours, and that the rest of the weekend is one to one with daddy. Maybe over the months the time with the girlfriend could increase, but the whole point of having contact is between dad & son, no one else. If you refuse contact altogether (I'm assuming you don't have a contact order from the court), he'd have to ask you to go to mediation. If mediation broke down, he'd have to apply to the court for a contact order. I'm not suggesting you should do that at this point, but he needs to understand that contact is not his right. His son has the right to contact with his dad, which is a different matter.

no he isnt living with this girl, but i know my ex and know he proberly wont introduce her for just a couple hours, it will be a full day and prolly night so my son wakes up to her being there the next day too.
no dont have a contact order or anything like that as it has been amicable between us since we split so had no need to get anyone involved.

I recommend that you get a solicitor to write to him to tell him your terms. You don't have to go along with what he wants, you can insist that he sticks to a pattern which is best for your child. Most solicitors offer a free half hour advice, and you still get a few who do public funding (used to be called legal aid). If you're entitled to public funding, a requirement before getting your p.f. certificate is that you have to try mediation, so the problem may end up being solved that way. If you're not entitled to pf, you can find a family specialist using the national family law solicitors association which is now called Resolution. I think the website is www.resolution.org.uk. Good luck