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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I don't want to sleep with my husband anymore

25 replies

AnAngelWithin · 26/09/2006 09:53

Hello. This is a very sensitive matter to me. For the past few months, I have not wanted to sleep wth my husband. I still find him attractive and I love kissing and cuddling, but if he tries to make a move on me I back away. I just don't want to do it anymore. I have been on the depo provera injection and wondered if it is a side effect of it? We have never had a very active sexlife anyway, probably once or twice a week. But it has now been 3 months since we had sex. My husband is starting to think that I don't want to be with him anymore, but I do. I wish I could sleep with him, but I just can't and I don't know what to do. I am too embarrased to ask the doctor or my friends.

OP posts:

2Babies0Bumps · 26/09/2006 09:55

dont be embarassed. tell gp your sex drive is dwindling. it is common. i'm sure it is a side effect. i got this when on the pill.

expatinscotland · 26/09/2006 09:56

The progesten in the depo can definitely affect the libido.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about! This is a known side effect.

I've never been on depo, but the one time I tried progesten based contraception I lost my libido entirely.

Don't let hte doctor fob you off and tell you it's not the depo, the drug's own website lists decreased sex drive as a possible side effect.

SSSandy · 26/09/2006 09:57

I think if you still find him attractive and enjoy the kissing/cuddling all is not lost. However I think the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to get back into having sex with him. At some stage it will just feel odd (which is our case).

Do you know what puts you off, maybe you find it painful, messy or is it about getting pregnant, anything like that?

I think too once you have kids, you're bf and constantly being touched and needed, sex can be just another demanding thing. I like my time to myself to balance being a mother sometimes IYKWIM. Sounds odd but I know what I mean!

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 26/09/2006 09:59

I don't know what puts me off. I suppose in a way yes, it does feel like another thing I have to do. I don't find it painful. I have been bleeding on and off quite badly for the past 3 weeks which definately doesn't help.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 26/09/2006 09:59

I deffo think it's tied to the Depo, tbh.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 26/09/2006 10:01

I can't take the combined pill. THe doctor won't give it to me because it gave me severe migraines and apparently there is a risk of heart attacks/strokes because that happens??

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 26/09/2006 10:10

I can't take the combined pill, either.

But you could try a copper coil, which has NO hormones.

Sounds like your libido may be sensitive to progesten.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 26/09/2006 10:12

The doctor won't let me have the coil because she said it would make me worse as I suffer from very heavy periods and have the start of endemetriosis (i think i spelt it right!)

OP posts:

Dior · 26/09/2006 10:13

Message withdrawn

Dior · 26/09/2006 10:14

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 26/09/2006 10:14

yes I would say the depo is affecting you

like expat, that happens to me aswell - it is a v common side effect. Don't be embarrassed about telling the GP - believe me, they see and hear a lot worse and hopefully, in your case, this can be something that's easily fixed.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 26/09/2006 10:16

I don't trust that condoms won't let us down though. stupid aren't i?? I still need to actually want to sleep with him first as well.

OP posts:

mumblechum · 26/09/2006 11:04

Maybe you should bypass the GP and go straight to the family planning clinic. If you go onto some other form of contraception, and still have no libido,it's time to work out what the problem is. Maybe you're just knackered? In the meantime, even if you don't feel like it initially, maybe once you get going you'll enjoy it. Sorry if this sounds terrible, but sometimes we have a "duty shag" and it turns out really nice!

joelallie · 26/09/2006 17:13

Ha! LOL at "duty shag". I do that too and yes it's sometimes quite nice

Kidstrack · 26/09/2006 17:23

i think the depo is affecting you, i had the implant in my arm and had to have it taken out after 6m with same effects

chocolatemummy · 26/09/2006 17:42

It sounds like those with experience of the depo are sure its that, I have this problem but I am not on any pill I just gradually got worse over the years and I too love to cudddle up and kiss and hold hands etc with my dh, I think the world of him although I don't treat him like that sometimes but the sex thing has got worse over the last three years, i am just knackered and a wee bit selfish if I admit it, I know its not my dh because its happened before in other relationships. I think the more you look into it the more common you see it is and your dh will just need alot of reaasurance and you need to compromise

FioFio · 26/09/2006 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

runnyhabbit · 02/10/2006 10:18

Have you actually spoken to dh about how you feel?I know it can sometimes be difficult explaining to the man you love you don't want to have sex,but as someone who's been where you are,it was such a huge relief for both of us when we did actually talk.I was able to reassure him that I still loved him and found him attractive,and he reassured me that he would work with me to find a solution.In the end,it was a very understanding hv who suggested it might be the pill at the cause, and to try going to a family planning clinic.They were brilliant.Really experienced and understanding in finding contraception that worked for me after having ds.Understand your concern about the copper coil with heavy periods,but you can take a tablet called Traneaxmic acid which really helps with the heavy bleed(although not sure how it works with endometriosis)Although I am now pregnant with no2, I would highly recommend coil to anyone.
I hope you work something out x

expatinscotland · 02/10/2006 10:21

I agree about going straight to the FPC.

Progesten can make you lose your sex drive.

That's a KNOWN side effect.

And it's not acceptable and you - and your spouse - shouldn't have to put up w/it.

RnB · 02/10/2006 10:22

Message withdrawn

Bibiboo · 02/10/2006 16:49

I had the same thing with the mirena coil, and no sex drive kind of defeated part of the purpose of no-fuss contraception. I had it removed last Thursday and I'm back to normal shall we say
Please speak to your dr and dh, this really got me down and our relationship was suffering as a result.
Good luck x

Judy1234 · 02/10/2006 18:17

Definitely the injection. So in a sense your husband's fault not yours. Talk to him. Then see the doctor. Then use condoms once the injection wears off etc.

Callmemadam · 02/10/2006 18:36

Following the logic above, can anyone tell me if taking oestrogen would bring my sex drive back? I'm 45 with no sign of menopause, just lost interest much as above.

youngmumoftwo · 02/10/2006 23:56

Hi
I have the same problem and its causing DH and I to have some big rows. I have always had a low libido and its been an issue for several years. I went to my doctor and he took a blood test to check that it wasnt hormones etc or anything medical. It wasnt and now he has recommended counselling.

Helena74 · 17/12/2006 22:00

Can anyone offer me advice, I have been on the mirena for 5 years and this year had it removed, and a new one inserted. I am 32 years of age and my libedo has gone, and it is a horrible feeling, i like to feel sexy and all those feelings that us women incur during those moment, but to not feel sexy or anything else during the "special moment", is something i want to change, however I dont want to get the coil removed, so does anyone know of a pill or a herbal tablet that helps bring those feeling back, the sexy feeling and the sensitivity? Im sorry if I am being a bit blatent but Ive beeen suffering with this for a while now, and not sure if it was a medical matter until recently.

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