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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To being annoyed at MIL

5 replies

woodlands01 · 21/09/2014 16:49

Historically difficult MIL - lots of falling out within family. We have avoided it as we have 2 DC she wants to see and I have been very direct and honest with her when she is out of order.
She has spent every Xmas with us with the exception of two. This has meant for the whole season - 2 weeks covering Xmas and New Year as she lived abroad. Sometimes with her husband, sometimes without, when they had difficulties. The run up to them not spending Xmas with us for 2 years was when her husband (in the October half term visit) was drinking gin at 11 o'clock in the morning, drinking and driving and acting very worryingly and strangely -all while my DH was at work! I spoke to MIL about this before the next Xmas saying I could not have that type of behavior in front of the children, although we would like her to spend Xmas with us, and she (thankfully) said it was better not to come.
Since this her husband has died and she is now living in this country and has spent Xmas with us, for the whole 2 weeks as she is on her own and sees no other family.
This year she announces she is going on a 5 day holiday to France with a new lady friend 'as they would both be on their own'. I was amazed and said so you won't be staying with us then? She sort of waffled on about not knowing what to do if I asked her (I always do and if not talk to her about why, for 13 years!). AIBU to be upset? I know its petty but I would never have organised Xmas without considering her. I then get a text a week later saying she is not going to France and hopes 'I haven't left it too late to spend the time with you all'. AIBU to be really pissed off? I am!

OP posts:
woodlands01 · 21/09/2014 16:50

Whoops should have posted in AIBU - moved!

OP posts:
Meerka · 22/09/2014 08:28

I think it sounded a lovely chance for her and you've said that you actually find her difficult. Can understand you being a bit startled but it sounds like the best tack was to wish her a heartfelt 'all the best' and enjoy your christmas alone.

As it is now that her holiday has fallen through, I can understand you being annoyed several ways. But it also sounds like you'll just have to suck it up. September is a bit early to say "no, it's too late you can't come now".

Quitelikely · 22/09/2014 09:02

I think you're being unreasonable. The woman doesn't have to come to you at Xmas and it looks like she made a new friend which is always a good thing IMO.

But you wanted her to come so she is coming! Maybe she sensed you were upset so cancelled (a shame)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2014 09:23

Presumably she doesn't like being with you any more than you like being with her. She probably feels duty-bound as you happen to be her DS's DW... Given that she now lives in the same country, you can always limit the visit to a day or two max. Might be easier on all concerned.

Annarose2014 · 22/09/2014 09:36

She should have gone to France. She wanted to go. Now she feels she can't cos of your reaction.

Do you want her for xmas or not???

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