Poor hubby feels like he's got post-natal depression - how can I help him?

[TearingMyHairOut]

I posted a thread on here a couple of weeks ago about my manic 9 week old son. He is 11 weeks today and despite many suggestions he is still hyper, screaming pretty constantly and waking very early in the mornings. As soon as my husband comes in from work at half five he starts screaming and that is supposed to be the time they spend together until bedtime at seven. However last night it all got too much for my poor hubby, whose every effort failed to pacify him and he said he spends all his time trying to shut him up and there's no enjoyment at all. We calmed him down with a bath and hubby gave him a good feed and put him to bed no probs and I praised him up. People have been telling us things will get better for weeks now, and I'm dealing with this all day long, Hubby says he feels like he's got post-natal depression (!) and I don't know what to do to keep us all sane. Please help!

Is there anyone who could take ds for a bit to give you both a break - if you had a regular thing where a grandparent took him for a couple of hours one evening a week so you & Dh could escape for a meal or to the pub it'd at least be something to look forward to.

Yeah we do that, but it's more a way of building up dh's confidence and finding some kind of enjoyment of his ds. I don't want the only thing he looks forward to to be escaping!

oh blimey, poor you! it will all be over someday, not too far away, but thats not really helping you now is it?
im afraid i dont have anything constructive to suggest (brain not awake yet) but am sending you big eHugs anyway and bumping this so someone helpful can give you some wise and soothing words.
x

My DH will now admit that he didn't truly bond with our DS until he was about 4 months old. He was a pretty grumpy baby and cried alot. However things did get better - they always do eventually! - and now DS is a complete daddys boy. I don't think I have any tips but hang in there. If your DH is aware that many dads take a while to get into the swing he may relax a bit more. Good luck.

Is it possible for you all to go away for a few days together?

In the early days even fairly placid babies are not at their best in the evening. I found that DH really started to bond with DS when we went away they had time together during the day and we were removed from home so no Computer Games, Gardening or Shed to escape to.

Also it is very nice of you to worry about your DH but take care of yourself as well. You are the one looking after DS all day - is there a creche at a local leisure centre or something you could put him in for an hour every so often so you could have a relax or a swim or something ? Also perhaps your hubby could do 4 out of 5 evenings and you( if you can cope) can do the other. I worried about DH dreading coming home & thought yes I can give him one evening of relaxing ( well making the dinner) as it will probably help him to bond with DS if not so tired.

It is tough in the early days particularly when you realise that other half doesn't have the same bond with the littlun. But as the others say it will get better. Our DS is 6mths and yes we have our moments but neither of us would be without him.

Hope this is not too long.

Thnaks for that...I do a couple of evenings a week and he does the cooking like you suggested (which he now enjoys more than ever before for some strange reason) but he really does anything to try and avoid dealing with him. I know this isn't out of laziness or not wanting to help but more out of fear and just not knowing what to do. This makes me feel incredibly sad but also obviously means I don't have a rest from it over the 24 hour period as then I do all the nights as well.

Oh you poor thing. I honestly wouldn't stress too much about the not bonding thing. Once your DS starts grabbing for things and looking at Daddy then he will get a bit more into him.

It is good that he keeps going with spending time with your DS and it is very perceptive and compassionate of you to have identified the root cause of his reluctance to do it. I don't think there is a way for you to make DS more fun to be with at this time and your DH needs to understand that the reality of having a family is slightly removed from the dream.

It will get better, honest.

Oh and at the weekend, go out for a couple of hours on your own if you can. I find that if I don't regardless of what we I agree I end up doing all the childcare as DH doesn't do it right i.e. in exactly the way I want him to.

You may not want to do anything much but go to a cafe, have a cup of coffee, read a magazine, feel human again.