DP & I have been together for 7 years with history of emotional & physical abuse from him to me. I'm ashamed to say I've been a complete mug this entire time and have constantly taken him back because I'm terrified of being alone and have abandonment issues. I also have a mental health issue and a physical pain condition so his presence made day to day life better to the children in terms of getting things done and helped me immensely.
Long story short, I've been mugged off again. He's lied for over a year conspiring with his parents (we don't get on) to apply for university. He told me Friday he wasn't in work, he'd moved two hours away into student halls. I convinced him to come back as I'd just found out my grandma had a few hours to live and I needed him to pick up our oldest DD from school (she's 6). He came back, we talked, he promised me he would come back and do both uni and live with us….only to leave the next morning after lying to DD1 that he was just going to the shop. He's changed his mobile number, I don't know which halls he's in, his parents keep putting the phone down on me when I ask for new contact details and I'm pretty sure this may be rock bottom. I've emailed him about 8 times begging him to call the girls but nothing. He doesn't give a shit.
He's left us high and dry. He pays the excess on our rent (£200 a month) which I can't afford to. I don't know how we're going to get around that. With my mental health in dire straits right now and my physical condition flaring due to the stress it's a struggle to make sure the girls are bathed right now let alone to school on time and so on. We can meet 90% of our bills but have absolutely nothing extra so will be in broke AND in debt. My grandma is still holding on but it's really sooner rather than later and we're very close. I'm going through it all on my own. I work freelance jobs while being technically unemployed so I don't know how that's going to work as I no longer have anyone to look after my children. No car, no money & my only form of childcare is my sister who lives 10 miles away and works full time with her own children.
How do I do this? I've given up trying to contact him & I'm ashamed to say anything to people other than my sister because I know how much of a fool I have been. I'm terrified of not being able to handle the two children on my own and ending up being evicted due to lack of rent money. I've spent the last 30 or so hours in absolute devastated tears trying to tidy up between them to be productive. He doesn't give a shit about us, does he? Now he has no responsibilities, a degree towards a career to work for & his own place without us he's happy and we're just HERE. Like fucking idiots.
We're not too young. I'm 26 and he's 29 so really old enough to both know better. DD2 (3) is asking if I'm going to leave her every time I put my shoes on because she's so upset about him leaving and terrified I'm going too. She's a real daddy's girl and it's destroyed her nerves to the point where she won't sleep anywhere that's not on or right up next to me.
I'm kicking myself. I know this is our way out to a happier life in the long term but it all seems so hopeless right now. I just want him to talk to them and tell them he'll see them soon. I want him to miss us, to care or - well, I don't know. I want him to know that none of this is ok but I know that I can't control that. I'm sorry this is so long. I just need some advice on how to cope from here forward. Thanks.