fallen at the first divorce hurdle

[conway]

After many years of indecision I have finally issued my hubby with a divorce petition. We have 2 boys 13 and 8 so has not been an easy decision.
He has been away on a business trip and while he was away was very happy and knew I had made the right decision about the divorce. Now he is back he is been super nice and agrees with all points I put in the petition about his unreasonable behaviour and has vowed to change. He is happy for me to stay in the spare room to give me space. This has thrown me and don't know whether to give him another chance. I advised him to seek legal advice but he said he can't afford the fees! ( a big lie).
I am so confused. He has till friday to dispute the unreasonable behaviour.

Conway

Do not give him any more chances; he's had more than enough of those and his words now are empty gestures designed to reel you back in. His behaviour is designed purely to confuse you; in that respect its worked but focus instead on the bigger picture i.e. daily life without him now.

You and your children deserve better frankly from life.

Can you get out of the house until Friday? That will ensure you aren't able to succumb to his attempts to get things back to the status quo: and that's all his 'super nice' behavior is about: getting you back in your hidey hole, the 'super nice' behaviour won't last: you know this.......

Stay strong, OP.

He's happy for you to stay in the spare room? I bet he is!

He is happy for me to stay in the spare room to give me space.

Well, that's good of him(!).

Remember how you felt when you went to see the solicitor?

Remeber the freedom you felt when you knew what path you needed to be on?

Remember how you felt before that? The drudgery, the routine, the same old lies and walking on eggshells?

Why the bloody hell do you want to go back to that?

Remember how you felt when you went to see the solicitor?

Remeber the freedom you felt when you knew what path you needed to be on?

Remember how you felt before that? The drudgery, the routine, the same old lies and walking on eggshells?

Why the bloody hell do you want to go back to that?

So super nice that you get to move to the spare room?

Conway I have read most of your previous threads over the many years you have been posting about your wankbadger husband.

You know deep down that you are doing the right thing. Remember all the shitty things he has done. The condoms? The fucking "wrong sausages." The constant criticisms, the blackberry he never lets out of his sight, the way you celebrate him going away and dread him coming back, the financial abuse and secrecy......

The only reason he is being nice is because he knows he will have to cough up financially if you go through with it and why should he want to change the set up that has suited him so well for so long?

Please don't take a step back now. I found it helpful to write out a big list of his many faults. You may find that helps, and one of them, probably an innocuous looking one, will give you that added bit of strength you need to kick this abusive turd to the kerb.

Good luck and stay strong.

Thanks for all the messages. I have got to find the strength to continue however hard it is. I was expecting anger not this extra niceness.
I have written a log of all the bad things he has done so will look at that. I feel so confused as he is busy making a lovely roast dinner now.
I may go and see my counsellor next week as that may help.

He will change for just long enough for you to climb back into your box. Then he will nail the lid down firmly and it will be back to business as usual.

Look at it this way. All the time you were miserable, upset, struggling, he could have treated you better but he didn't. Only now, when you have mustered the strength to end it, does he suddenly decide that oh whoops, he needs to change. He clearly does know how to behave decently (well, relatively - as several posters have already pointed out, it's really not that amazing a concession). He has just chosen not to do so until it suits his purpose.

It's an ACT!

Just keep reminding you of this, It's all and Act to try to keep you in your place, where you belong so he can control you.

yes, think of all this Mr Nice Guy as him wearing his mask. That is all it is. He won't be able to keep it up for long anyway, don't worry.

The minute something doesn't go his way he will snap and revert to normal.

He had his chance: in fact he had about a billion chances. He blew every single one of them. Stand firm.

... oh, and even in the middle of all this reasonable talking and dinner cooking he's still lying to you about money...

Do you know? Maybe he's changed, maybe he'll be cooking Sunday roasts and being nice for the rest of his life. But it'd take longer than a couple of days to convince me. I'd want about half a year of him having moved out, respecting my wishes and showing us day-in, day-out that he'd really changed.