Please help me stay away

[Cantdothisnow]

Please excuse me if this is jumbled, I'm in such a panic.

I met someone when I was 16. We have dated on/ off for 7 years now. I didn't realise it at the time but after reading other threads on MN I think I've been emotionally abused. There have been some physical things too but I can't write that down at the moment.

I've been pressurised into giving him lots of money. I haven't had anything repaid. I think this panic attack has been triggered because I have just had to send him more money.

It sounds stupid that I have stayed in touch with him I know. I'm very isolated and I won't meet anyone else. I'm scared of being lonely. I've even stayed in touch with him at times just hoping he would repay some of the money like he promised to. I couldn't/ can't afford to support him: I go without when I do this.

Why can't I stay away? Hoping someone is awake. I feel so desperate and have no one to talk to about this. Reading this back it sounds so pathetic, he does have redeeming features, good sense of humour etc. I'm just realising now he does scare me.

Ehric is right call women's aid for a chat. You have probably been conditioned by this man to jump when he phones you. You were very young when you got together, is he 8/9/10 years older by any chance?

You have no children together which is good.

The police non emergency line will be of help. It seems like a huge step I know.

Chat to your sister, she will be able to see things clearly. You are caught in fog - look that up - fear obligation guilt.

Keep posting for support.

Is there any way for you to get away from him? Move away and get out of his grip that way?

Your situation sounds terrifying - I would second the idea of calling Women's Aid for support and advice. Your sister will probably be angry both for and with you, and it may take her time to understand why you can't 'simply' break it off with him. If you can you need to explain about the sexual assault but I appreciate that is very, very hard to talk about.

Thank for you so much for the messages.

I had to read a book to try and distract myself last night, whenever I thought of him/ the situation I had a panic attack. I feel a tiny bit better thinking about everything now it's daytime. Hope I don't feel like that again, last night was terrible so thank you to the posters who helped me feel less alone.

Yes you are right I would be so upset if my sister didn't reach out to me. Still finding it daunting to tell her all the details but going to try and do as before: tell her for a start and build up to the scarier parts. I've just remembered she did once overhear a conversation I had with him. I was v. upset because I'd told him no and meant it, but he still had sex with me and I was trying to tell him how that made me feel. She was angry and it's details like that I want to spare her.

But I am going to tell her, she's a busy person but will give me an ear if I need to talk.

Yes he is ten years older than me. I didn't actually know that when we met because he lied about his age. He now says that I'm the one who lied about age but I honestly didn't - I never have regardless of what age I am/ was. Didn't put in my opening post that he used to lie all the time, he even told me a fake name for over a year. He still lies now sometimes, but usually admits to it at a later stage. I thought that was progress, now it just sounds so foolish.

Will look up fog, thank you.

He is actually in another country at the moment, so not physically able to get to me. He deliberately didn't tell me he was going abroad, but that's another story.

I'm worried I would be wasting women aids time. Are they not more for families escaping physical violence?

Thank you all so much again for talking this through with me.

Can't, Women's Aid is for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Please give them a ring because they know what they are talking about. They are a lifeline and will know exactly what you are going through. They will have heard it a lot.

You were very young when you were taken advantage of. It could happen to any 16 year old. I know similar things have happened to my daughter's friends at 16. One of her friends was groomed, abducted and almost raped. The police would not have been able to find her had my daughter not told them what she knew.

Use this time while he is out of the country to build up your strength to end this. Go and see your doctor and see if you can avail of some counselling. In the meantime search for similar stories online and you will see that his behaviour is not uncommon. When you do end it he will move on to someone else.

You are a young woman you have your life in front of you. Tell your sister, ring Women's Aid, see your doctor so that you are taking real steps to get yourself out of this situation. You can have a lovely future ahead of you where you meet someone who loves you. You need to start working on this by ending this relationship now. He is probably doing this to other girls. Good luck. If it helps you to focus keep updating on your progress on MN and we will encourage you. Best wishes.

Can't here to hand hold again and give you good wishes. Browser is right. Women's aid can help you.

I would like to write more but have health problems so it is difficult. I hope you are ok today (as much as you can be) and manage to talk to your sister xxx