Think I fancy my manager..

[Chicksferry]

Happily married, we are soon to celebrate our wedding anniversary. The kindest, patient, loveliest DH I could wish for but how come I seem to be falling for my manager?

Month into new role, I now work directly for my new boss. We have the jokey banter, he's helped me with work I've been unsure about. He always wants an excuse for us to move from a group table and talk in a private room about current clients. He constantly asks how I feel about being managed by him and is full of praise for my work. One of our meetings overran, one of our colleagues had to ping him on his screen to ask where he was as his meeting with other colleagues was held up.

I've told DH about my concerns and whether it's professional. He thinks my manager is just being kind and supportive. What my DH doesn't know is I feel like a school girl with a crush, I actually enjoy time on my own with him. I think about him constantly. Not felt like this in ages as I thought I was happy in my marriage, I think I still am happy.

Am I reading or wanting to read to much into this? Is it silly crush? My manager is no oil painting but I'm truly drawn to him. I feel very guilty and sinful for having these feelings.

Men like this often chase married women. Keep professional because once he has you he will drop you and you will be left in a very messy situation.
Avoid any suggestions of possible 'coffee's and meeting's- outside the office premises, after hours and so on.
It is good you have told your DH and are being open about it.

Yes I was open to a point...didn't say about my crush.

I won't do anything and he is married too but I have been freaked by my feelings.

It feels exciting being in a room and having attention. I could be reading too much into it on his part. Concerned about my feelings as I want to blank out these lustful feelings.

Sorry I might sound bit drama queen but just need to splurge my feelings as couldn't tell anyone in RL.

I know what you are both saying..years ago I was with a bloke who treated me like a cat with a toy. I look back at how I was played and feel embarrassed.

Happy with hubby but do feel drawn to this man. I don't think he is the type to have an affair, then again I don't know him as I'm fairly new to his team. Tbh he is a bit of a geek but very astute and has excellent people skills which is why he is in the position he is. When we were sat in a meeting he made me sit where we were away from the window of the door as the client information was confidential and couldn't let others see pc screen ( highly unlikely!). When we have sat together we have bumped knees which was accidental on his part. Please don't laugh but I got really excited.

I feel really stupid writing this...

Better to splurge here than act in RL!

Keep communication open with your DH (no, I don't mean displaying your crush, but everything and anything else as good communication fosters intimacy) and make some extra efforts to be close to him.

And put some barriers up and work; minimise time alone, keep it professional.

Crushes do fade. You can speed the fading process along by conscious effort to keep DH in the forefront of your mind. The fulfillment you are finding is probably because of the new job more than an individual in the work place, but as they've arrived simultaneously they are easy to muddle.

Thanks auntieStella, my work is only positive at moment as going through a total rut with house, kids and friendships at the moment...

DH is lovely and caring, told him we need to be more exciting. My feelings for my new boss are really strong, I so hope they fade and also that his actions are in my head. Wish he'd get out of my head but only happy thought currently.

I know you're right Indiansinthelobby unfortunately I can't take any time off but I will try to keep my silly feelings in cheque. I don't want to get a bad reputation at work either. Think that is the reality bite..

It's helped to vent on here as I was starting to and still feeling a bit crazy!

I think your manager may be playing a very subliminal game with you, probably picks up that you are a bit "unnecessary" in his presence and may even like the attention.

But you may well find he would backpedal furiously and deny, deny, if you were to verbalise anything. Its all "safe" while its this funny unspoken bit of attention. I think you walking on very thin ice, and could even risk losing your job, let's face it it's never the manager who loses out, always the subordinate.

I'd get back into the real world, if I were you, and get on doing a good job you're being paid for, just as he's being paid to do his job.

Sorry if I'm a kill-joy, it would be a shame to lose everything you have for something inside your head which isn't reality.

You've actually scared me a bit and you're not being a kill joy. What do you mean by unnecessary? I appreciate your feedback.

Sorry chicks, please don't be scared by what I said, that is definitely not my intention, just wanted to alert you to the risk of having your head turned by someone in authority.

I am not trying to pre-judge your manager, but sometimes when a situation like you describe starts in an office environment it is all controlled, you're in a goldfish bowl, but things like your knees touching can feel all the more exciting, and you can read into it more than it is. I just think your Manager should be acting responsibly, doing everything he can to stop too much closeness so you can both get on with your jobs. Maybe he is, but needs to do more to create a professional separation. Iyswim

When I said "unnecessary" I mean you are all distracted and the "schoolgirl crush" you mentioned.

I would take back the control, by keeping a friendly but professional distance. Sounds like a nice job.

Thanks daisychain, everyone has given me great insights but yours was the jolt I needed.

It was in my head but I will maintain my distance, I really couldn't jeopardise my career for something silly. Also I don't want to give off that silly schoolgirl crush impression. Never thought that it might be obvious..

I'm really glad I've been able to share what I've been feeling on mumsnet as it would shock my friends who think the sun shines out of DH posterior! I need to reconnect with him which I've not been doing...

Thanks

Just let the crush wash over you and pass away. A little bit like having an affliction that will pass by itself if you don't feed it. Good luck!

Thanks betty, I think talking on here has got rid of it, I just needed to discuss it out in the open!

Read not just friends by Shirley glass OP.

Sorry posted too soon. Very good book which shows how attraction can quickly escalate with devastating consequences.

Thanks for the book too thisisSylvia

Might have to get on the kindle!

Well my crush has faded...he is a moody bugger! Kept my distance and been professional ( this is after me turning him down for lunch, him buying a cake for me, a few other things that have made me feel uncomfy) Since I asked about his business that he runs out of work with partner he has gone funny...

It has caused me a bit of stress as felt like I've been on eggshells but glad my passing fancy was just that. Great advice from you all!

I just need to try and sort a positive relationship with him...

Great news OP.