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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh has the most dreadful memory

11 replies

bungaloo · 25/09/2006 21:32

well, title says it all really. we can discuss something one day, eg the date to go to visit someone, then the next day, he'll arrange it for a date we've already said isn't convenient! anyone else experience this or similar?!

OP posts:
Original poster
bungaloo · 26/09/2006 10:23

bump

OP posts:
red37 · 26/09/2006 10:25

dh always arranges overtime when we have other plans iyswim

lorina · 26/09/2006 10:30

Are you worried about it ? Or do you find it comical ?
My Dh has a shocking memory. His mother has altzheimers so I am a bit concerned.

Original poster
bungaloo · 26/09/2006 10:32

it just feels that sometimes there's no point talking to him as he'll have forgotten what we talked about within a few days

OP posts:
lorina · 26/09/2006 10:46

Has he got a very hectic job ?

i think that might be what it is with my DH. Work takes up too much of his brain

Original poster
bungaloo · 26/09/2006 10:50

it seems like all his "brain power" goes into work, and he switches off at home. he does alot round the house but just seems to forget alot of conversations we have- it's quite upsetting as i feel he's not interested in what i'm saying. i've told him this but he just says he has a bad memory or says i didn't tell him things i know i have - even more infuriating

OP posts:
Imafairy · 26/09/2006 10:55

Bungaloo - my DH is exactly the same - he will only remember stuff that interests him, so about 90% of the things I tell him go in one ear and out the other. Of course it doesn't help that I am v.anal and plan things weeks in advance.
Don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!!!

Original poster
bungaloo · 26/09/2006 11:02

i like to plan ahead too! dH actaully gets quite annoyed sometimes when i tell him he's forgotten something and then tells me i never told him whatever it was in the first place - when i'm 100% sure i have

OP posts:
Bink · 26/09/2006 11:11

Sympathy! - same here.

Our day-to-day fix for this is a calendar that gets everything written down on it the moment it is discussed - best if it's in his handwriting!!

I don't think there's a long-term fix - you've either got a verbal memory (ie you go on hearing in your head the words someone said to you) or you don't - and my dh just doesn't (though he can remember the details of every greedy meal he has ever had).

The thing I find most infuriating is that he doesn't, after 15 years of being together, realise that the likelihood is that I will have told him but he's forgotten - he continues to act as if I didn't tell him & have just ambushed him with whatever it is. If only he could learn each time just to say "Sorry I forgot". I am teaching ds to say this!

Bink · 26/09/2006 11:12

Oh - actually - this has reminded me of a fantastic sketch I once saw - might have been Smack the Pony - about a couple in a room filled with shelves of tapes and playing the tapes to each other of What They Did Say and You've Forgotten Again.

crayon · 26/09/2006 16:09

I could have written exactly this! Infact now I am worried that my husband has forgotten he has married me and married you too. Nothing would surprise me!

Crayon

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