What to do? (heartbroken man)

[wickedgame]

My wife of 4 years has told me she no longer has any feelings for me and there's already another (married man) in her heart. I still lover her and
want her, but she's not interested and it doesn't sound like this is going to change. It seems like it's too late and there's no way I can ever get her heart back. I've not slept much or been able to concentrate at work, since finding out on Sunday and I've felt sick with a mixture of most other emotions.

We have two young girls (3 and almost 6) and they come first. My
wife wants to carry on as if nothing has happened, but I can't just let go and act like all is normal - it's killing me inside. I feel hurt and like I've lost my best friend, wife, mother of our children and lover. I don't want to leave, but that seems like the only option, plus divorce. I know this will impact the girls and I'll see them less, but I can't be with someone I love, when they only want to be with
another.

It's obvious in my head but leaving
the three most important women in the world (that I love with all my heart), is going to be the hardest and saddest thing I've ever had to do ??

I'm still hopeful that this is a nightmare and I'll wake up soon....

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It must have been a lot to take in when she told you. Is what she wants to carry on as if you were still together, but with you knowing she's in love with someone else? That's unreasonable and totally insensitive, to put it mildly. I'm sure others will be along with advice soon but for now I just wanted to say this is very hard, but you'll get through it. You sound like a lovely man and a very good father.

I would have a further candid conversation with your DW about where she thinks the relationship and your living circumstances will go from here. If she has already told you now that she loves someone else, presumably she has thoughts about your future as a partnership?

There seems to be a lot of open questions based on what you have just said on here. If it were me I would be trying to get to the next steps pretty quickly, because it will definitely start to affect your children if you allow it to drift on indefinitely.

Assuming from your post that you feel you would and could get over this if she was prepared to try, the best advice I could give is to give her time. Two work colleagues went through this a few years back. She was totally obsessed with another man, told her DH, moved out their home (they had 2 boys) and was sure it was over. The DH was desperate to have her back, felt she had very much "had her head turned", overtaken by the drama and excitement of the new rather than being genuinely in love. He held it together, gave her space, let her no she could come back and be forgiven if that was what she wanted. About 3 weeks later that's what she did. Then followed a long period of reconciliation and work on both parts but they are still together with a now 4 yo DD. Lots of people on here might say that to do that makes you a mug or a doormat or whatever but it depends - if it happens repeatedly and you keep forgiving then maybe, but from your OP I'd say give it time. It will be difficult for the kids yes, but actually if you and your DW just talk them gently through the idea that you aren't getting on well at the moment and you are trying to fix it and DO NOT fight in front of them, that shouldn't be a reason not to allow your DW the time and space to figure it out. She may not come back, but she just might and your marriage might survive. Either way, best of luck.