feeling sad. lonely and no confidence

[heyho1919]

I should be feeling happy. after a hideously stressful divorce, i now have my own place. i have a gorgeous ds (9) and have recently started a pt job which fits in well with school hrs. Im finding the job so tough (not worked in an office since having ds) and i'm lacking in confidence. - feel like a lost child :( Really need the job to give me and ds a better life but struggling atm...

When did you start the job?

Give it time. Sounds a massive transition to go through.

Confidence can be built: keep turning up for your job, doing your best, being as friendly as you can.....and I bet in a few weeks you begin to feel like you're getting in the swing of things.

It takes months to get back into working after maternity leave - if you've had a few years not working it'll be even more of a contrast.

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly! Your own place, gorgeous boy, and a job with perfect hours....try to celebrate those very real, very significant things that you have achieved

Thanks for your lovely response :) I've been there 3 weeks but keep feeling overwhelmed with every task i'm given and then feel i take ages to understand what i have to do :(

Ah, three weeks is nowt. Keep at it: part of the job - any job - is tolerating the bits where you feel like you don't know how you'll do something or you're not sure if what you're doing is what's expected. Particularly at the beginning.

Try to keep yourself calm and focused in the same way you might encourage and support your son.

Feeling overwhelmed is just a feeling, a temporary state.....just try to focus on the task and let it pass.

Change is hard for everyone. I bet in a few weeks you'll be thinking, wow. Check me out

Thanks, I do hope things get better ...

You're doing brilliantly! You really are.

You're providing a loving home for your son and you've found a job! Most of us feel a bit nervous when we start something new but that feeling won't last long. In a few weeks you'll be able to do all the new things you're learning now with your eyes shut!

Why are you feeling lonely?

Thanks, i think it will take a lot longer thn a few weeks though as there are so many aspects to the job.
I'm lonely as i have no family nearby, my few close frends have recently moved away and i have no partner. i cant join any evening classes/group, etc as my son is with me most of the time

What about making friends with the school mums?

Do you speak to any of the Mums of your DSs friends? As you're working part time could you ask them if they fancied a coffee while the DCs are at school?

i work pt, but that's all the time that ds is at school. Don't really see any of the mums except on the odd occasion ds has playdates. His friends mums are ok but not really people i get on that well with unfortunatley

It's not a bad thing that you are not getting things straight away at work. You have to fail and make mistakes to get better. It is hard, but it is all taking you one step closer to being able to do the job to the best of your abilities.

I know it isn't much help now, but try not to analyse things too much.

You are doing so well to have found a job, very well done you!
If you are finding the job difficult to cope with at first, don't worry, it can often take months before you fully understand a new job.

Try to keep other things in your life simple, so that you don't get over stressed, for example put together two or three outfits as your work clothes, rotate washing and wearing them, so that you don't have to worry about what to wear for work.
Keep your meals at night simple, this is easy if your DS has a cooked meal at lunch time. You can always do more complex meals at the weekend if you want to.
Meal plan and use Internet shopping so that you don't have to worry about what's for dinner. Keep a store cupboard of some tinned/dried staples that will be simple meals so that if you are ill there is always food in the house.

Have a think about whether you need to ask for training at work, or can you learn more via the Internet?

All the very best of luck.

Things will improve..be friendly, try hard and you will get there!
Are any of your work colleagues friendly?

new jobs are always crap for at least two months, usually closer to six. Stick with it, you can do this.

You are doing brilliantly! Does anyone in the office seem friendly? If you go for lunch or coffee with some of them you could maybe chat to them about how they found it when they started, what the challenges are and how they dealt with them. You might make some new friends too..

Thanks everyone :) It's a very small office but the people wh are there are very friendly but due to my hours I don't have a lunch break. I also spend a fair bit of time in my office alone so it's not ideal. I really need o stick at it though if only to get some experience so finding another job is easier if thi sone doesn't work out.

I do feel awful this morning though, full of dread for monday morning :(

Do you have someone to babysit? Could you ask if anyone fancies going out on Friday after work?

Good suggestion Jean but it's such a small place that it wouldn't work - they just don't do that sort of thing!