I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what

[Inabranstonpickle]

Getting pretty desperate (not an attractive trait, I know!) as I move from early thirties to mid thirties and no boyfriend, partner, husband.

I know OD is the answer to the single lady's problem but I honestly just get ignored on the sites I join. Any messages I DO get are presumably people who haven't looked at my profile and are along the lines of 'u ok'. If I reply I get message after message along the lines of 'how's your day/had a good evening/ what u up2' but nothing based around a conversation, you know? These men are generally either a LOT older than me (sort of 20 years plus) or ten years younger, and also and most bizarrely seem to be predominantly from Birmingham which is nowhere near where I live! I'm fairly sure it's just a coincidence but I guess what I'm saying is they are just messaging random females I think.

If i see a profile I like and message him with an articulate and thoughtful message it gets ignored It gets a bit soul destroying!

I honestly don't understand where I am going wrong. My friends say I'm pretty, I'm fun loving and happy, I have a good job, nice home, interests, I guess I'm just 'normal', but I can't be normal if normal men won't even speak to me!

Please, has anyone got any pointers?

OD is probably not the answer.

Do you meet potentials through any work, hobbies, or via friends of friends?

Friends of friends works best in my experience (looking at friends in my group)

You are " normal" ( whatever that means) but online dating is a roller coaster. I would stick with it, put on your bullet proof vest and persevere. I've had two relationships through online. They were both wrong for me though. Maybe go on a paying website. They might be generally more committed.

It is a paying website, and I just don't get any opportunities to meet men in 'real life.' Ones I do meet are inevitably already in a relationship/ married.

Firstly I'd like to say that everyone feels like that from time to time with OD. It does take a lot of time and effort, so don't feel that it's just you. There are always men who send messages just on the basis of your photograph so don't take it to heart.

Secondly I read an interesting thing the other day that really got me thinking. It said that most peoples profiles are all about what they want. So it will be along the lines of 'I want a man who is athletic, gsoh, wants children etc etc' but very little about what they have to offer themselves.

This writer suggested that people would have more success if they spoke more about what they had to offer. So something along the lines of, for example 'I am an affectionate and loyal girlfriend who would love to cook with you. I think it's important for couples to make special time for each other and I would love it if you would join me for walks in the country . . . "

That way you are painting more of a picture about what sort of girlfriend you would be and what sort of lifestyle you want instead of just presenting someone with a list of requirements. It's also a way of signalling the type of relationship you are looking for, so if you just want a fun fling you skewer the profile that way or skewer it a different way if you want a LTR.

Is there a trusted person in your life you could get to look at your profile?

Could you start any new hobbies/sports etc where you might make friends who could ether be potential relationship material or introduce you to their friends who are?

I met my DH at a local climbing wall.

I think the issue is, I get so little - no - male attention that even if I got a new job as a fireman I probably wouldn't pull. I'm not being entirely facetious there either, I really genuinely don't attract men.

I suppose OD is an extension of this. I can't think of anyone who'd be objective with my profile but I don't know, even if little things aren't perfect I don't think I'm that bad, it's that bad.

I'm taking it personally which is silly I know but it is personal. How can it be that in 33 years no one has liked me, even!?

Have you had any relationships up till now though?

No, none