what to do if a friend is in a abusive relationship

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Just wondering what peoples advice is , according to the help websites i as a friend has got to wait until my friend leaves her partner is this what you would do? I cannot seem to convience one of my friends to leave her partner who she admitted is abusive they have been on/off in the past but he always seems to reel her back in and i am the one who has to listen to what hes done when it goes wrong. We go out once every two weeks for a girly chat and drinks but he is always texting or calling its difficult to enjoy her company sometimes.

It depends on how bad the treatment is and if there are any children involved. If you have a direct report of physical assault, call the police. If children are witnessing distressing behaviour, call Social Services. When you listen to what he's done, make it clear that it is very wrong and you think she deserves better... boost her confidence and be a friend. If it is difficult to enjoy her company because she complains but does nothing, don't feel obliged to stick around to be dumped on. Some people simply can't be saved.

I would deal with things directly in order to show her perspective. She probably thinks it's normal and he is entitled to text and call her. I would try next time to be clear and tell her to switch it off. Say you really want her attention.

Any other things that actually happen that you see or hear about, explain to her how it should happen in a normal relationship. If you tell her to leave him she won't get it as far as she's concerned he's normal and loves her.

If she does want to leave guide her to Women's Aid who will support her through the process.

Cogito's advice about child protection is also very important.

yes they have two children, i dont think she wants to leave, i guess you may be right about some cannot be saved

If you think the children are witnessing violent or other abusive behaviour and if you are concerned for their well - being then you can talk to various agencies. How old are the children?

They are 6 and 9 yrs old. I dont know if they witness it or not , she's admitted to me that he has knocked her about a few times and ive only ever seen a few bruises and a split lip. Other than that im not sure if hes emotionally abusive as well , like i say when we do go out she always checking her phone due to texts and calls from him. i love her as a friend but it gets me in a tricky situation as i want to be a good friend but also getting fed up of it all.

Could be worth an exploratory phone-call to the NSPCC. The way I see it is that parents are adults and, being blunt, if he wants to kill her and she hasn't the strength or motivation to get away, there's not a lot anyone else can do about it. But children have no choice and no power. They are little hostages, terrified of a violent Dad and powerless to help Mum. They deserve some protection.