I only get turned on by fantasising

[cannotbelievethis]

I have a really happy marriage. We have sex about 3 times a week, but I find I always fantasise in order to get turned on. It is like I have forgotten how to get in the mood without doing so. I feel like I am betraying dh a bit. Is this normal? I do fancy dh. He is my type completely and so I do not understand why I have to do this.

Of course it's normal. Sexual arousal is a complex combination of mental, aural, visual and other sensory stimulation. If you think it's 'betrayal' to fantasise, what do you think you're supposed to do? Completely empty your mind?

Tip... embrace your fantasies. He'll be enjoying the effect and attributing it solely to his technique. Share them where appropriate. Win-win.

Completely normal, in fact I might go as far as to say it's essential in a long-term relationship.

Though if you're fantasising about his best mate, you might want to check your subconscious.

Thank yo so much for the replies! I feel so relieved as I was worrying I should be able to get turned on just by what he does to me! We have been together 13 years and have 2 young dc so sometimes it isn't that easy to switch off from life to get in the mood without a bit of imagination.

I'd say it's normal OP - or at least I hope it is.

I can get in the mood very easily. But I can't actualy orgasm without some fantasy going on.

I'd say you and your DH are doing just fine

It's normal and he's probably doing it as well yanno.

The 'best mate' comment although said in jest can be a problem. If you start fantasising about someone 'real' (as in you know) then it can lead to all sorts of problems, but randoms or film stars or whatever is good!

Yes I can see how that could lead to feelings for someone else. Fortunately I don't fancy anyone else so my fantasies are purely random! I have started wondering about dh's fantasies when we are having sex. Not really thought that he is probably fantasising too!