Been together for 20 years, had our first ds last year, who is now 1 year old. Marriage has been under huge strain for a few years now. I have severe anxiety problems and crippling emetophobia, which made pregnancy hell as I suffered intense nausea and was bed bound. During this time, put on cocktail of drugs, including benzos, which I am still on now. They are causing me to feel depressed, anxious and exhausted. Throw a 1 yr old baby into the mix and you can see why the marriage is struggling.
My husband works in a hough flying job in London, frequently works late, entertains lots of clients and is rarely home before 8pm. Since ds arrived he has gone on benders and stayed overnight in London on 3 occasions without letting me know where the hell he is (no phone calls, nothing). Recently he has been cold towards me and because things have been so hard between us, with constant bickering and me feeling ill because of the drugs, I just felt something was off, like it was the 'perfect storm' for him having an affair.
Last night I happened to see his phone on the floor and looked at his work email, finding a couple of borderline flirty texts and some persistent emails from a 25th old intern, asking do to head out for lunch, and then yesterday suggested a drink after work at the pub (just them). I previously caught my husband sending flirty emails to a girl 3 years ago, so there is some history here.
I went a bit nuts last night and, I know I shouldn't have, but confronted him about it. I asked him about the drink in the pub which he denied until I showed him the text. Apparently they often discuss work problems there, yeah right. I then asked that if he had nothing to hide then he should show me his work laptop and the emails on there. This is when it went totally shady as he refused, told me I was paranoid and that there would be lots of other 'innocent' emails on there that would send me loopy. I did get very angry and this point and demanded to see the laptop. Things got a bit physical. This went on for 2 hours. He got dressed and threatened to go to his mum's to sleep (at 2am!) With the laptop. He was obviously shitting himself about what I'd find. Somehow in this time he managed to get his phone and obvs deleted some of the work emails via his phone. He then let me look at the laptop but was still very shady and sat next to me the entire time watching every email I looked at.
I didn't manage to look at everything as he got angry and insisted we go to bed. I took 3 sleeping pills I was in such a state.
So now he has taken the laptop to work, will obvs delete anything incriminating. Leaving me powerless. I'm broken today. Feel on verge of breakdown. Just doubt know what to do. I am very sad and scared of being a single mum.