Parents and brother have fallen out - should I tell my brother that his son is visiting them?

[NotActuallyAMum]

My parents and my eldest brother fell out over 7 years ago (long story, no chance of it being resolved). My 14yo nephew has been going round to see my parents for the past year or so, my brother and SIL know nothing about it, I've been wondering for months if I should tell them

Sometimes I think I should mind my own business and keep out of it but my brother and SIL will eventually find out, they'll know that mum and dad will have told me and I think they'll be really angry with me for not telling them

If this was your child, would you want me to tell you or keep out of it?

think you should leave it and let your nephew have a ralationship with his grandparents he is 14 now so knows what he's doing
if you tell he may never see his grandparents again and your bro may not trust his own son again

Leave it. Your dn is old enough to have some control over his life and his relationships. If you want to talk to him about it, then fine, but otherwise it is none of your business (sorry to be so blunt). If anyone is to tell your db, then it should be his son, nobody else.

If I was your db/sil, and unable to resolve the issue with your parents, then, yes, I would probably be cross with you - but OTOH, I might also be relieved that somebody found a way out of the mess. If they are cross with you, then your response is the same "It's none of my business".

I would also stay out of it. If they find out and are cross with you, you just need to say "it was a difficult decision but decided on balance that he was old enough to decide when to tell them himself"

If you want to do sometihng - talk to your nephew to make sure that he is happy with the situation and doesnt want you to raise it with his folks.

Yours is a much better way of putting it than mine, SJ.

At 14 your nephew is old enough to make up his own mind. As long as the disagreement doesn't have any bearing on his relationship with his grandparents (I'm thinking things like abuse) then he is entitled to have a relationship with them and he shouldn't miss out just because your parents and brother have decided not to see eachother. The relationship between child and grandparents can be incredibly important imo, if I were you I would just be happy that they have found a way to carry on with it in spite of the situation.

I don't think it's anything to do with you - your nephew's relationship with his grandparents is his own business. As long as the split wasn't over anything abusive then I actually think he should be congratulated for not letting a family feud get in the way of him knowing his grandparents. If you tell his parents then not only will his relationship with his grandparents be spoiled, it will drive a wedge between the boy and his own parents.

Hmm, I thought so. I just really don't want to fall out with my brother when he finds out...

Should probably have said in my OP, my nephew is in lots of trouble at school atm (another long story..) and my parents have found out (from another nephew). Dad has said they're not having him in the house again, next time he goes they're going to tell him to come back when he learns to behave. I'm certain there'll be an argument - my nephew is not the type to just say "OK then I'll go" Think that's when my brother and SIL will find out

Think I will leave it though, I know it's none of my business ...just hope my brother understands I was in a difficult situation and didn't know what to do for the best

Thanks for the replies