Difficult relationship with mother just need to get it off my chest!

[Fuzzyfelt123]

Hi - I'm a regular reader of brilliant Mumsnet advice but haven't posted for a while. I've always had a difficult relationship with my mother and posted about it on here a few years ago. I received some brilliant insight and advice then which really helped me. However, I've lost my way a bit lately.
My mum has very definite narcissic tendencies. She's very self absorbed, often ill, highly critical of my dad, has cut off her own family and is highly critical of my dad's family (who are all lovely). She has hardly any friends and any clubs she joins she soon leaves after falling out with someone. It's never her fault. She says that she had a difficult upbringing with a bullying brother and parents who ignored the bullying and idolised the brother. She's never got over it and she does admit this and also admits that she's 'damaged'. I think she takes this anger and hurt out on other people, and has done as long as I've known her. She's never been physically abusive, but as I said above, verbal abuse and criticism trips off her tongue with ease. She's never cuddled me or my siblings and never told us she loves us,
(Thanks for reading so far!)
Anyway, I think MathAnxiety spotted that I detached from her at an early age. I've never confided in her and our relationship is Ok as long as we stick to subjects she likes, and she's not criticised. Lately though, I've run out of patience with her I think for 2 reasons

1. my DD is at an age where I'm worried she will influence her badly. I've told DD very tactfully to be wary of that GM sometimes says unkind things about other people. She immediately replied 'oh yes i'll never forget that GM said she wished her brother dead'. Am I overreacting or is this a terrible thing to think, let alone say to a child? On the few occasions I've dared to pick my mum up over I unkind things she's said she calls me 'childish' like I want to live in some sort of utopia.
2. her Health is getting worse, I can see it coming that she will need more help soon. She can't walk very far. I need to be sympathetic but I can't bring myself to step up to this role. I think it's mostly self inflicted. I haven't seen or spoken to her for a couple if weeks, since I pulled her up on something. She accused me of 'always going for the jugular' and I stormed off, which I've never done before. It was a fairly trivial thing that I pulled her up on (shouting at my dog) and I should just pop round and apologise and it would blow over. But it just don't feel like it this time. I don't like her. Of course, although it's nice to be away from her at the moment, my conscience is torturing me. I should like my mum, it should be easy to love her, it should be easy to have a healthy family life (I have this with my own DH and DC) but I still feel it's my fault. Even though I know that it's her family that did this to her, and not many other people like her. Sorry for the rant! Just had to get if off my chest.

That's very enlightening Attila thanks. My DF has never stood up to my mum. They live in a marriage of mutual disrespect, have had separate rooms as long as I can remember. My DM has never said a kind thing about DF, that's not an exaggeration. But he is kind, is close to his family and has lots of hobbies which keep him out of he house a lot. He has never stood up to or bad mouthed my mother, but has never been loving towards her either. He's a classic enabler. His mother died at an early age, I think that's why he puts up with DM, no one to compare her to.
So messed up I can't believe I'm writing this!
It's the trash talking that I'm fearing will happen. It will happen won't it, there's no point in waiting for it to happen before I do anything about it. i'm sure she bad mouths me behind my back. That rings true jammytoast
I don't actually know or have met any of her friends - that's weird isn't it? All I hear is about is someone for a while and then I hear they've offended her and that's the end if the friendship.