Do I ring him up just to break up, even though we parted as though a breakup were on the cards?

[Gl0ssy]

Only going out 6 weeks (feels like longer), met 9 months ago though, so we were friendly first. Last night he wanted to stay over and I wanted him to go (at 2am). He doesn't like that, and I know that, but it's too soon for breakfast with the kids. He said he was patient. He said we'd take it slowly. He said he knew my children were my top priority. But his actions don't match his words I think. When he left last night he was doing a slightly passive aggressive thing of acting hurt that I was making him leave at two am. I didn't make any attempt to console him or reassure him. I just let him go. He was a bit 'silent' when he left. I just bye, we'll talk tomorrow.

As you said we'll talk tomorrow I would call

It is too soon to stay over, but if he doesn't have kids, he may need to have it re explained. If you are breaking up over that, then you can't have been that keen in the first place! Providing he only acted hurt as opposed to having an argument then I don't see why he would think you had split up. And also not sure why you saw it as passive aggressive - maybe he WAS hurt.

Remember - he is a man child and they don't always see things the way that we do!

He knew the score so you have done nothing wrong. He needs to deal with the fact you don't let men into your childrens lives on a whim.

Something to be respected as far as I know

It doesn't sound to me as though he needs it re-explaining.

There is nothing here to suggest he should be described as a "man child".

Gl0ssy I'd do either. Just leave it be, or give him a call to draw a line under it all. Do what works best for you.

I think you were right to call it quits.

He's not a manchild at all no, he's a decent guy and we do/did get on very well. I felt really happy for six months, but last night I felt this big distance open up between us. I think he felt it too. It's weird, how quickly you can go from feeling really close to just being baffled as to where the connection went.

six weeks I mean.

I agree that if he doesn't have children, he may legitimately need to have things as regards them explained to him very clearly - ie that it would be completely inappropriate for such a new boyfriend to be introduced to your children, and that patience and taking things slowly means that he just can't stay over, ever, just yet, and that 2am departures need to be dealt with without displays of silent hurt.

If you like him and still think the relationship could have legs, I'd explain things and let his response dictate whether I broke up with him or not.

I wouldn't do anything today. Mull it over a while longer.

Have you decided whether you want to date him again? If he contacted you will good apology and full recognition that he's been an arse but just bound up in the moment, how would you react? Or if he doesn't contact you at all? Or if there's an apology but you don't think he really 'gets' it?

Even if you get the good apology and you do actually like him enough to keep seeing him, remember it's still very early days. One mistake could indeed be a mistake, but you need to know him for a heck of a lot longer to be able to decide if it is a one-off or a first showing of undesirable selfishness.

But if the reason you felt the coldness/distance is because you've had the realisation that this isn't working for you, then break it off at the next opportunity.

he was doing a slightly passive aggressive thing of acting hurt
Imho, this is the little boy pout that is a manipulation to get the "no" into a "yes".
Well done for not falling for it.
Well done, also, for having clear priorities regarding your dc. I agree with Rusticated's post above.

Why is everyone being so quick to judge?

It was 2am (I'm assuming this wasn't a monumental sulk that went on all evening, it was just something that happened when you asked him to leave and he left soon after), if he's never been in this situation before he may well have just had a sudden realisation that what you mean by taking things slow and what he had envisioned are not the same thing, he might have understandably been feeling a bit hurt and rejected, even wondering if you were making an excuse, but didn't know how to express what he was feeling and felt awkward because he wanted to be true to his word and do the right thing. He could have actually been intending the opposite by being quiet, trying not to put pressure on you by saying any more but not knowing what to say. He is allowed to have emotions that contradict what his head knows to be right. People can't always hide their emotions.

If everything else is good and he's never behaved like that before, I think he deserves another chance. Unless, of course, you want to end it for other reasons.

Like you say, actions speak louder than words. Could you make it clear to him what you mean by taking things slow - like "I wouldn't feel comfortable having you stay over until we are very sure where this is going and that could be xxx months (or years)" or whatever you feel is right for you. Then see how he behaves, if he respects that.

I think our judgement is being clouded a bit by all the terrible men being discussed on here.

does seem a bit out of the blue. just wait. it'll become clearer.

Thanks everybody. Is is a nice guy. I don't think he even realises that his actions here aren't matching his words. I know he's a good person but I just feel that we've lost the closeness somehow...

btw ps I haven't rung him and he hasn't rung or texted me, so I'm just going to go to bed soon.

TBH if I was invited somewhere for a shag and kicked out at 2am I'd feel aggrieved too - and used

Pick your times for when your children are with their father or you can arrange a babysitter.

I would be a bit upset about being kicked out at 2am after sex too. I would also be a bit hurt. Maybe he wasn't acting?

If you like him, why not talk to him about it rather than deciding he is passive aggressive and dumping him? To me, it seems rather an over-reaction.

I'd rather be kicked out at 11pm

Can you imagine the response if a woman posted on here saying she'd been kicked out at 2 am after sex? I get that it's too early for him to have breakfast with the kids bit surely you could have called it a night earlier?