How to divide fairly

[jadey101]

I'm trying to see the fairest way to split things between DP and I. I earn around £1400 pm and DP £1850.

Our rent is £1235pcm I pay £500 and DP pays the remainding £735. Council tax at £88 pm paid by me and DP pays the elec/gas and internet which comes up to £90 approx (could be much less but he is too lazy to change providers). Water bill every 6 months at around £150 which I pay.

I pay for the cleaning products and toiletries. DP pays for about 70% of the food.

Other absolutely necessaries are my travel of £150pm. DP has no travel expenses as he cycles to work (this would not be possible for me). As such we are limited in our distance we live from his work. I would like to live further out for cheaper rent but he won't as he wants to be a short cycle away. He doesn't wish to move out of our current area to somewhere a similar distance but cheaper as he likes it here.

I am just wondering in the eyes of MN are we splitting things fairly?

Hard to say without a food/etc breakdown.

How much do you have left over at the end of the month and how much does DP before you start paying for your own 'extras'?

It seems a little bit too vague for me, but pretty fair as far as you can tell.

You are going to get a lot of people saying, "What we do is..." so I'll be the first. Wages in to our personal accounts, direct debit contribution to the joint account and agree what that money is used for.

Also, we don't contribute the same amount, we just keep the same amount meaning that one of us pays in about twice what the other does.

I would say as a rough guide I have about £500 each month and DP has £800 disposable.

I also have a CC that I pay off at £200pm and a personal loan which I pay £100 each month. I didn't include these as it isn't DP's responsibility/concern. However it means in reality I'm left with £300 per month (in theory - I never seem to have it!)

That seems quite fair to me then. Once you have paid off your personal debts you will have a pretty good amount left over.

One suggestion. Can you DP help you to pay off the CC faster and then you pay him back? You will save a shedload in interest doing this and pay back less faster? This you can then dump on the personal loan and pay that back quicker.

we don't contribute the same amount, we just keep the same amount meaning that one of us pays in about twice what the other does

I would like to do this but then I feel it would be unfair for the person who earns more. I mean DP obviously gets paid more than me for a reason, why should he only get the same amount of disposable income as me just because I have a lower paying job?

I think doing things by percentage of income may be fairer. I.e. we both pay 10% of our income to savings or whatever.

The CC has no interest as of yet. At the current rate it should be fully paid off before that point.

CC and debt add up to £300 right? so you only have £200 left and he has £800.
It depends where you are headed. Your current set up is similar to what I did with my flat mate. Now DH and I (and obv. being married means we have a different legal relationship with our money) put everything in one pot. We earn v similar to you, share all bills and spending and also save together. If you are building a whole life together I think you need to share really so you can have common saving goals, share the cost of any future dc etc. But if the relationship is very new then what you have sounds like an ok starting point, although he should definitely be paying for dinners out if he has 4x your disposable income!

Ah ok yes it is a newish relationship. And he does always pay when we go out for dinner/movies/etc.

When we first moved in we used to 50/50 the rent until I said this isn't a fair way of doing things, I came up with the current arrangement which he agreed to.

Well STBDH and I now share everything (joint account, joint spends), whereas before I paid all the bills and DP saved an equal amount to bills in our joint savings account. So technically we went halves on everything (we earn about the same) but I probably left myself in a very vulnerable position!

He always pays when you're going out? I earn as much as your partner and I would find it hard to always pay for my partner.

It sounds pretty fair to me.

That's a very high rent.

As a rule of thumb: while you are at an early stage of your relationship, the fairest thing to do is to split all unavoidable costs in the same ratio as your incomes, so you pay about 43% and he pays about 57%. That way, the money left over after essentials should still be about the same ratio so the spending money you have left over for frivolities at the end of the month should also be in the ratio 43:57.

If your commitment to one another becomes deeper and you become a long-term partnership - and especially if you have children and you end up taking a hit to your earning power because of this, then everything should go in a joint account and the leftover frivolity money should be split 50:50 - or should just be kept in common with no concept of money belonging to one or other of you but both of you contributing what you can, both financial and non-financial, into the mutual wellbeing of the family.

LineRunner
We live in Zone2 London in a niceish one bed. Its a pretty standard price for here TBH. We used to live separately in shared houses, paying £600pm each (again standard prices) to live with 4 other people, so this is a much better than what we were used to as now we don't have to wait to use the kitchen/bathroom, have our own living room etc.

Fish
Great post/advice, thanks.

Fmlgirl
Well we used to alternate who paid, but I just really can't afford it (I couldn't then hence the debt!). So either he pays or we don't go out at all. Shitty situation but what can you do? He has £800 to play with I have £200, I sure he can spare me a few bob for a meal or two a month. I do make a point to never ask to go out as I know I cannot pay though.

Might be worth mentioning he is 29 and in a management position in his career, whereas I am 22 and just beginning so am hoping eventually our earnings should even out.

I would like to do this but then I feel it would be unfair for the person who earns more.

In the early stages of the relationship I would agree. But as you become more of a couple with shared chores, mortgage etc it becomes less important, even before children. The reason one of us earns so much more than the other is, in part, due to the support of the other for years.

I do make a point to never ask to go out as I know I cannot pay though.

Hmm. How about suggesting you go out once a week to do something very inexpensive?

Agree with^^ all ours is joint and technically DH earns twice my wage but that's because it benefits us for me to be part time due to shifts and childcare. If I were full time we'd be almost the same but also paying for massive childcare- probably a nannyactually due to the shift times. We split the money left over 50/50 btw if there's anything left.

That seems pretty fair to me. Although, it does seem a bit complicated - I would personally incline towards splitting each bill in proportion to your income rather than each having certain bills that you pay.

In London, there's tons of free stuff and it sounds like you're already paying for a travelcard so you could suggest doing that kind of thing for date nights rather than going out for dinner?

Assuming that you haven't been together that long (because you're 22), I agree that your debts should not be seen as a joint responsibility.

I see this kind of thing said a lot on mumsnet, "The reason one of us earns so much more than the other is, in part, due to the support of the other for years." I think that it can be true - particularly if there are children involved and one parents has done, for instance, all the taking time off when the kids are ill, all the pickups/dropoffs, etc. However, it's by no means always true - quite often earning differential is down to career choices, priorities, and ambition and the lower earning partner is not providing any particular support.