Massive cliche of an issue....

[PieceOfResistance]

DP and I been together 11 years. Hope very much to stay with him forever. Have 2 DC (7 and 3).

We still love each other, but also clearly irritate the hell out of each other and have less sex than we used to. I'm not as interested in sex as I used to be, although I do make some effort to get myself in the mood.

Sometimes the relationship feels a bit like a childcare jobshare.

This evening it occurred to me that we weren't invincible.

Are these things normal for a long relationship, or do I need to worry?

TIA

Totally normal in my experience.

I think all these things are normal. The fact you are worried is a good sign.

I heard a saying...

The only reason we are still together is because neither of us wanted to give up at the same time.

I've been with DP 7.5 years and I feel the same as you. We rarely have sex. It hugely upsets me but at the same time, I really don't want it either. Life gets in the way

I've just parted from my dp and our sex life had been non-existant for about a year. However this was not why we parted, it really didn't matter to either of us that much, it's just the way it gets.

Thank you both.

Sorry to hear you sometimes feel a bit low about the sex thing too, McBear.

I hear so many people (esp on here!) say things like "I still fancy the pants off him 40 years later", and feel a little inadequate. I mean, I love him, and I do still fancy him when in that mood but, hmm... more often I fancy a nice book or Rhod Gilbert.

Third sorry to hear about your split. Hope you're doing OK

Rather than accepting this as 'the norm', would it not be better to see that your relationship is in a rut and both make some effort to get back on track? Date nights, time alone etc?

Relationships move through different phases. Yours sounds totally normal. It might help to think about intimacy rather than sex. A cuddle, some touching, counts for a lot and can help you help you keep that physical bond during periods when neither of you are that into sex.

Listen to me, relationship expert!

Thank you mooth and Finns.

Finns you're probably right. I'm so lazy about it most of the time, and this evening's revelation that we aren't indestructible!() has jolted me into thinking perhaps I need to do something romantic or sexy... shall I shave my legs?!

Thanks again.

Haha, well that's a bit drastic!! Start with baby steps!

We'll, if you get on with him and want to be with him, I suggest having a chat and saying you want to move along a bit.

I suspect the dc have taken a central part in it all, and now they can do things for themselves to some extent, and not demand so much time in quite the same way, you have come up for air, and noticed that things could change now.

Its a good idea to change the dynamics, and adjust to having older dc, so say so to your dh ( its a big change I think, if you think about it) and go to a comedy night or do something fun- good for your dc to see you both going out together, salsa dancing or whatever you both like. Get a nice a babysitter, plan a holiday with your dh and dc that's not so baby centric, - I never thought I'd be arguing with my dc about them wanting to do a kids club! They thought it was amazing and I thought they'd want to be with me:)

And ds likes wandering round ancient battle grounds and picking fault with strategy of war. That was an eye opener:)

I think you both need to change your mindset and shave legs! Yes, and mani/ pedi:) whatever you like that makes you feel better and moving on. Change is good:)