sex life and relationship

[gen1992]

I'm new here, but have seen many with similar problems to mine so thought I'd share and ask for advice!

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, and its mostly a perfect relationship. He's kind to me, looks after me and I know would do almost anything for me. However there is one big problem in our relationship and that's the sex life.

When we first got together we had an amazing sex life. Whenever we were together we'd have sex, try just about anything. We were having sex multiple times a day at first.

I can't remember exactly when or how it happened, but that is definitely not the case now. I am now very lucky if I have sex once a week despite spending nearly every night with him.

I've tried turning him on, I let him know I want sex, touch him etc, but he rejects me. He comes out with excuses like 'I'm too tired' 'I've got a headache' 'I don't want sex all the time'. I have done things like buying lingerie and that has resulted in us having sex, however, I feel by surprising him in bed when he's got home in lingerie is almost forcing him to have sex with me!

I've tried talking to him about it and it usually ends in arguments. He's told me different things, like he doesn't need sex all the time, I don't try it on with him, I don't let him know I want it and he doesn't want to do it in our parents house where we live. I always get upset about it and often go quiet and cry when he rejects me, it then ends up in an argument, and he has described me as a sex addict which has hurt so much. I have tried explaining that its not the actual act of sex that I want, I don't just want to 'get my end away', I just really want to feel wanted because at the moment I feel disgusting.

I know he hasn't got a low sex drive as I have found out he masturbates whenever he is not with me to porn. He lied to me about this saying it didn't interest him, but I then found from his browser history he was watching it regularly. We talked about it and I said I was okay about it, but really I'm not.. I wouldn't mind, but he is interested in getting himself off but not with me. In addition to all of this I have never been able to make him come. We have sex and he has to finish himself off, he says he's always been like this..

I am only 21 and I feel like I should have an exciting sex life at this age, I try telling him ideas we should try but he just ignores it. I keep telling myself I can make this better, but it's been like this for over a year now and I don't know what to do

gen1992: I don't mean to hijack your thread but I'm in the same situation and I'm only a year older than you. My DP is perfect in every other way but I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we've had sex this year :-(

I feel like it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. I often find it painful due to a medical problem but also have no libido. He has got much fatter since I met him but will not go to the gym. He is very tired from his job and rarely initiates.

Mine also wanks to porn but I don't mind. What I do mind is that I caught him doing it the other day when he was supposed to be ill in bed!

I thought this was normal in a long-term relationship? I'm shocked to hear others still do it every day!

I'm 26, just split with my partner of 7 years... Other reasons involved but one of the main ones for me was that sex has became a once a month thing and I don't feel wanted.

Change the sexes?

Yes, ok. The woman and her wanking porn addiction...

Thanks your replies everyone, and I'm sorry to hear some people are in the same position as me!

I feel as if I have kind of exaggerated the porn problem. He is generally with me from before and after he goes to work and we spend no more than 2 nights a week apart, usually just 1, so I believe it is only on this occasion he is masturbating.. I think!

Your advice has really helped me, and we've decided we're going to sit down and talk about it all tonight.. hoping this time something will actually be discussed instead of just argued about but we'll see.. Anyone got any advice about what I can say to make him realise how serious I am about all of this? I usually back down on the break up line because it just ends up in me retracting everything...

Also, I'd like to point out that reversing the sexes wouldn't make a bit of difference. These sort of responses really annoy me as it is like a supposed comeback for supposed 'feminism' all most. I think instead of taking an abstract view it is instead important to take a truthful view and realise that in a society where sex is largely perceived as being just for men, with people being socialised into thinking sex is for men, and porn being made for them, this should be taken into account.